Somberly.
Depression is a creeping song of sadness when you have no reason to be sad.
A nightmare call of eerie, haunting melodies- darkening thoughts creeping.
Excessive slumber, chemical imbalances and a train derailment inside your mind.
Calamity.
Whispering defeat- please give up.
That's what the narrative of negativity your brain tells you everyone wants.
Just give up.
Make them happy.
Nobody really loves you.
Rejoices of forlorn dynasty.
You were never meant to be anything more than this suffering.
When you're depressed you hyperfixate on these scenarios of darkness.
Words you fabricate others must mean about you- for the complexities of self righteous believers dominate your lack of serotonin.
Conjure positive creations out of these overpowering lies- you are nothing- you tell yourself over again.
And I wonder why I embark on this painful dance of disaster with my depressive mind.
Disassociate into sleep-
Don't overeat.
You'll be fine.

Darkening night sky
Crescent moon shape between you and I
Taste of lust on your lips
Hand brushes slowly up my thigh.

Whisper your name
Fist clenched sheets
Learning the language your body speaks.
Bringing me toward my defeat.

Mother is broken
Her heart pumps blood through her veins like everyone else
Lungs breathe air to keep her alive, yet deep down I know she is different.
Her eyes are a brilliant shade of green
I adore her yet she terrifies me.

That earth shattering silence of winter has returned to us.
Too frigid outside to venture forth.
Bone chilling winds blow, making our bodies quiver.
Finally protected by the warmth of happiness.
I no longer fear winters longevity.
Together we are kept safe within the hallway of tranquility your daughters laughter brings.
Nestled deeply within the quarantine of a self made family.
Strangers once through the varying degrees of different worlds.
Knowingly creating something from time.
My soul layered within yours, within hers, and hers within yours.
Three is my most hopeful number.

Curdled cream and three separate drafts of a memory I can't quite pen properly.
Disappointment inbound, pouring the first cup of freshly brewed coffee down the drain.
Had I checked the date this wouldn't have been a waste of $4; but a solemn reminder of analogies leaping from my brain.
Cycle of sleeping all day to lie awake during the nighttime, overthinking. Curtains of feeling bad about inability to wake normally, darkness of the evening encompassed I finally pull myself out of the bed.
Despite this current pattern, last winter undoubtedly worse with feelings of self destruction and loathing.
For currently I do not cry every waking hour, just wish I was different with no apparent response to change.
Cats continue to be stricken with yet another upper respiratory response to declined immune system of an exotic breed.
Lost debit card, jobless flounder.
No appetite or desire to binge eat for the first day of my existence.
Headlight reflections crawl across the ceiling and I'm suddenly five years old again, afraid of almost everything.
Summer evenings when the whipper-well called out haunting symphony of their nighttime songs.
I never quite believed they were birds, moreover monsters and I never heard those calls other than childhood.
My father outside, and I in the grass.
Childhood wonder as he climbed a ladder to retrieve me a piece of the moon.
Wide eyed awe at this miraculous feat, my father could reach the moon.
Unnoticed by young eyes, the moons sphere just out of reach by trillions of lightyears.
A rock plucked off the driveway.
He must've been proud of his farce, my bewilderment and excitement beaming.
I love you.
Twenty five years later, a memory I haven't connected to in decades.
Perhaps the next time I look to the man in the moon, I'll see your face etched softly on the surface.
That radiating glow reminding me things will be alright.
It's been an odd winter, my heart is cooled more than our weather as of late.
Somewhere through the forests of Sandilands Provincial forest a deer crunches across the snow.
Silence, except for its breath, a softness.
Trees encompass, nurture and protect.
You are home.