Stop it!
Just stop it all!
I don't want this anymore.
I don't want these tainted memories!

You're constantly there, even when you're not.
I can't seem to escape the madness in my mind.
Every time I close my eyes you're there. Grinning at me.
Why do you torture me so? What have I done to deserve this?!

I've done what you've asked and let you be yet here you are still plaguing me!
What more do you want?
I'm tired, drained and done with all of this.

I just want to lay in bed at night and sleep with no issue.
I just want to move on with my own life and be happy.
I just want to be me again.
But you're there... holding the half of me I need to be whole again.

Unfortunately I:
[] Fall to fast
[] Crash too hard
[] Care too much
[] Forgive too easy
[] Wait too long
[] Miss people I shouldn't
[] Worry over nothing
[] Overthink everything
[] Am too complicated to be loved
[x] All of the above

They always said,
"Drugs are bad, don't do drugs"
Then they said,
"Drugs **** people."

Yet, they failed to mention,
that love was a drug as well,
that love would eat you up slowly,
killing you, nevertheless,

Love was my drug,
I got addicted to your love,
You were my dealer,
and I was nothing but the addict

You asked if I ate tody,
I said yes, of course.
I lied.

You asked if I've cut recently,
I said no.
I lied.

You asked if I was ok,
I said yeah, I'm fine.
I lied

You asked me if I was happy,
I said yes, knowing it would make you happy.
I lied.

I wish you could see the scars, bruises and cuts that decorate my body,
Maybe then you will understand why I flinch every time you try to come close to me,
Maybe then you will see the demons through my eyes that have trapped me,
Maybe then you will know why I act out on all these insecurities I have within me,
Till then, go ahead and misunderstand me.
You think I am crazy.

Borderline Personality Disorder.

1. The other day I woke up and thought I knew who I was
I fell asleep and somewhere in between I lost myself
I lost the feeling in my stomach too
but we're still talking about how much we have in common.

2. My sweater got stuck on the hanger this morning
I started to rip it down
eventually I broke plastic and skin.
I haven't been back in my room since.

3. 12:06 PM Today my best friend came home and took most of our makeup
12:07 PM I messaged her and mocked our friendship.
12:07 PM She was in trouble with her grandma and had to hurry. She didn't know.
12:08 PM I broke down crying.

4. I woke up at 7:32 AM and took 4 shots
drank 2 beers
smoked four bowls
drank half a bottle of NyQuil and woke up the next day.
I have yet to figure out why.

5. I wanted to be a horse trainer for 9 years
then I decided I wanted to be an artist
worked on becoming a tattoo artist
matured into a writer
fell in love with photography
now I'm not even sure if I like school.

6. First scars appeared at 9
worst scars at 15.
First attempt at 10
almost wasn't an attempt at 14.

7. I've been happy the past few days
but I still want to **** myself
because soon I'll be drowning in depression
and succumbing to anxiety.

9. Once I got so bored
I thought myself into sorrow.
I didn't come out for a few hours
but by dinner I was laughing.

10. I used to be in love with a boy
but I didn't know
so I used whatever I could get
and now I'm alone.
I don't blame him.

11. I've mentally lost myself
as I screamed into the mirror
and it wasn't me talking to myself.
I don't really remember being there
but I was.