how did we fall here,
to this exact place -
this exact idea,
spun into our heads, like yarn,
like your hair, a flapping mess in the wind,
little strands, eager to keep up.

how did this floor beneath our tousled bodies,
keep us together, like it was meant,
like it was supposed to

how did our hearts explode into little sparks
of suns and stars,
and tears?
how did they know to explode
like the ticking of a time bomb?

how did our hearts find love
            i just want to know -

"Oversensitive, dramatic,
its nothing, get over it"

Why do I hate
Do I need to berate

Do I always plunge the knife that deep?

Tear at my insides like im dying of hunger and trying to feed myself with what little soul i am told i have left but i find myself an empty wasteland and it *****. It really does

"Love yourself"

How do you love yourself when all youve ever been allowed to believe is your pitiful little girl in the corner narrative
The i wish you werent born. Useless.
A burden.
If smiling was a sin.

The numbness from within
Is after all Only redemption

"Change"

You broke me and now you expect me to heal myself so you dont have to look at the pieces and feel bad.

Well Feel bad.

*******.

i can’t spin
any of the records
we listened to
anymore—
you’re constantly
in the background,
singing along.
i feel your hand
brush mine
when the needle drops
on ****.
and 808’s pop off.
you infuse the tunes
that croon
like lullabies,
reminding me
that you’ll remain
forever in my
Peripheral Vision.