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For the love of God,
Just love Him.
 Apr 2015 Makenzie Robison
E
Fields turn to concrete turns to buildings turn to cities turn to dust. Everything in this world is finite. **** or be killed. We are malignant cells multiplying and dividing, incurable, unstoppable. Where we go, death and destruction follow. They're right behind us, pushing to get ahead.

All we touch turns to stone, a grave marker for the earth. We are burying ourselves with it. Ashes and bones are the thrones of the new world. We don't learn from our mistakes, we build upon them.

There is a thirst that cannot be quenched, a hunger that cannot be satisfied. We devour everything in sight, but remain empty. If this is what it means to be human, I'd rather be the mud stuck on the bottom of a shoe, the trash blowing away with the wind, the roadkill abandoned on the side of a highway.
 Apr 2015 Makenzie Robison
Pax

I bathe in milk
The Ripples along the water are as fine as silk
NO! This is not something I fancy
In life, sometimes you just want to try
In the end we just have to stop the stupid lie.
To live or die
To breathe or just drown
Seems everybody wears a crown
NO! I lost mine a long time ago.
Perhaps temporary is all I could have, so I dare go…
Grab what’s on hand
Never expecting high demand
Then I get lost, soaked
And a little broke
To start a new beginning
Is still out of reach, I’m screeching…
Not in pain but in the cloud that blocks the way
Wishing the fear will stay at bay
Never reaching my awful screeching
Oh CHOICES! I wish I ACTED ON YOU differently
NOT fearing disappointing those who support me.
But hey! What is done cannot be undone
I stand in what I’ve chosen, I never run…
I tried my best to stop my mouth
From reasoning-in or reasoning-out
For your choice is your own responsibility
So I stop blaming others for my problematic probability
I bathe again, in warm water this time
Hoping to wash away the disease that struck me
Faults of my own neglect
Laziness and Tiresome – and its ripple effects
Now I fear I’ll drown…

........... a type of monologues i guess....
partly inspired by this photo:
http://manuelestheim.deviantart.com/art/On-drowning-393658861

a friend of mine hit something when she said:

Sometimes we are all afraid of drowning in the choices we have made. But there's nothing to do but go on. The water of time washes many things away.
 Apr 2015 Makenzie Robison
Lyra
That boy's got my heart in a silver cage
To capture it, he spent days and days
But once it was seized, he locked it up
then looked at it once, and left it to rot.

He would come up to it, between 6 month intervals,
And bring it back to life, like it wasn't any trouble,
But then he'd grow dark and smash it into two,
and the cycle repeats, through and through.

He used to slip his fingers in the between the bars,
And cared for my heart, and played with my stars
He'd polish my prison, and renovate it pretty
and make sure I'm looking, when he swallows the key.

You see, the thing is:

I could escape and flee with a snap of my fingers,
I've come very close but I always linger
He teases and tortures but it's heavenly agony
I close my eyes, turn around and let him take me.
Yes, darling, maybe now you can see
That I am not all I seem to be
Beneath the innocent laughter displayed
Is a girl brought to her knees in the fray

And in the closet, skeletons scream
As ghosts of my past jump out at me
Yes, everyone left when they saw the dark
There are just too many scars left on my heart

It's only been weeks, but i hope you'll stay
Even after you have seen the fray
Please darling, don't you leave
But I won't blame you,
because nobody could take it, you see.
Every scar is a lesson learnt; it makes you who you are and gives you strength.

{{Yes, I'm scared to tell you, because the ghosts of my past have scared so many away. My story's not complete yet, but I'm scared to go on, because I just hope you won't run away like them, afraid of the mess I am.}}
Depersonalization
Derealization
Dissociation
Delusional
Hallucina­tions
Confabulation
Perseveration
persevered.

Clanging
Rhyming
E­cholalia
echolalia.

Paranoia
Ideas of reference
Thought blocking
Internal stimuli
Thought broadcasting
heard
every way
every day.

Mental disorders
or
poets extraordinary

The Paiute anthropologist
locked up on the
inpatient unit
with visions of the ancestors
dancing in his eyes
said
"See these folks
you have locked up,
In ancient days
from the desert hills
they came our way
delivered truths
in their special way.

"Once they had their say
On desert winds
they blew back
up to their hills
away
straight away. "
"Can you please
give me the keys.
I've said what
I had to say. "
Cut cut cutting* out the cardboard of my tongue
I can no longer taste your kiss as my body has gone numb
I have to block out thoughts of you so I don't lose my head
Chopped off at the root of me, my essence running red

Something stupid, clumsy and dark stumbles at my door
I told you to get out of here and not come back no more
But silly you you slit your throat and dont know how to sew
Looking in my window for answers, acting like I know

Choke me with a guitar string, this music will be the death of me
But it'll get me lots of ***, so I don't even sweat the heat
Time will stop ticking when the world has finally lost its rhythm
And I'll be sitting on an oil drum screaming out of tune at children

Old men die just to do it once and see if they survive
While im happy just popping pills to see if im alive
I can no longer taste your kiss as my body has gone numb
But I still feel my way around the barrel of my gun
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