Silly me to think that you were able to change and be a better person,
silly me for thinking that you would forget about her.
Silly me, for seeing the best in you,
even when you gave me no reason to.

Silly me, for letting you **** me in,
only to spit me out once you got what you wanted.
Silly me for telling you what you wanted to hear,
all for you to just throw me away like an old T-shirt.

Silly me for letting you get inside my head and eat up every ounce of my being.
Silly me for forgiving you and letting you break my heart all over again.
Silly me for missing you.

A long time from now, past discovering if there really is an After,
when our bodies have disintegrated into the soil to start again,
maybe a particle of me and a particle of you will join
to create a new organism
for a short time.
I will feel your touch again briefly
every once and a while.
But for now, all is quiet and still and breathless
and the hazy sheet over my eyes is telling me that it's time to go.

It was harrowing,
the way the darkness
crept into her cage
the sudden change
in demeanor
no longer
a will to share,
the teeth marks
she left behind
in the calves
of leg
the loss of mind,
employment,
fragment and bones,
the very fabric
of home lay
torn and bleeding,
her red ribbon muzzle
tear stained in
separation

It was harrowing,
the madness
pulling apart
at the seam of
consciousness,
and then
she disappeared,
as if she never began,
and all that
is left of her,
are her
blackbird eyes.

I am alone now here at the bar
Beside me is a girl and a beer jar
I do not mind about the girl
Because my mind is now on swirl.

A shot of tequila and a lemon
Make a toast for being forever alone
Give me a another glass of ***
I am cold and I want to feel warm.

My heart and brain still feel the pain
Like I drank tons of liters of gin
Please make a drink for a heartbreak
And the bartender started to shake.

I tried all of these drinks and runaway
But still, I cannot drink you away
Give me another round of champagne
Just to forget and ease the pain.

Happy to be a crack within the wall,
That sinks as people think and pressure builds
To strive for freedom, love and life fulfilled
Beyond these callous constraints of control.
Abiding standards set by- who? We fall,
From Self, the Source of true condition killed.
Accepting life through these rose-tints we will
Barely breathe the blessing given to us all.

Through all distractions you cannot deny
We're here. We're- where? A spinning ball of being,
And yet we waste this time, find faults and criticise
Ourselves, and others, still longing for feeling.
The only things we need, an open eye
And mind to help us find our way to healing.

It is raining
And the sky is gray but it holds
A sort of secret light
A brightness that lends a pearly quality to the falling drops.
It is a lovely, quiet radiance
And it reminds me of you.
In my head I see your face
Your moss green eyes, wide and framed by long dark lashes
Your hair, wild and reaching, the way it stirs in the wind and bounces when you laugh
Your white body in the darkness
A sliver of bone in moonlight
Strong and soft at once, smooth and unblemished, almost liquid, almost velvet, almost light.
I wonder
How the years will make you lovelier
For I know they will.
I see your beautiful hair
Gone silver like spun spidersilk
Falling in ringlets past your shoulders.
I see the forest in your eyes
Grow tall and reach for the heavens,
Gold and green mingling as ever, just as vibrant, just magnetic.
Something about your eyes in a face full of the carvings of laughter and tears, marked by every love and loss and sunny day,
Something about how unchanged they will be
But how much more complete
Makes my heart swell.
I want to see you grow like a tree, like a forest.
I want to see every way you change.
And I know that someday those fathomless eyes,
Young and old at the same time, like the trees,
Will look at me with doubt, with chagrin,
That you will wonder if I want you
As you age
That nothing I say then will be able to convince you completely that I do,
And it makes me smile sadly.
Because as I sit here gazing out the window, seeing in my mind's eye how you'll change,
I can't think of anything more beautiful and more inspiring
Than watching you grow old
Next to me.