Hannah

Hannah Jul 2017

The first was when you punched me in the heart
Told me to try and understand
That my bruised heart MIGHT heal

The second was when you hit a vein
The blood stained the bathroom floor
And you were quick to clean up the mess
Apologized me back to life

The third time you killed me in my closet
I was drowning in my tears
Fears devoured my mind
I was sure there was no coming back
But you surprised my heart and it leapt for you

But you weren't done
You decided you wanted me dead again
The fourth was more personal
You watched me this time
No call
No distance
This time you did it in person and it was painful
You watched me suffer
You tried to ease the pain
I couldn't even pretend to be alive

Please don't try to bring me back
There's no use
You shot me in my heart this time

#relationship #breakups #sad #hurt #dead #pain #heart

Hannah Jun 2017

Silent Abuse

You watched me slice my heart open
Rip my lungs into pieces
Tore my way into my brain
So I wouldn't feel the pain

And you sat there watching
Lighting the fire to burn me
There's nothing to show
No one will ever know

#abuse #silent #anxiety

Hannah Apr 2017

What would you do?

What would you do if a boy who meant so much told you that you were a ****?
What would you do if he harassed you for nudes day in and day out but played it as a joke?
What would you do if you were falling and knew he was no good but tortured yourself for being a *****?
What would you do if you were drowning in tears while being stabbed with a knife, telling you it's your fault, you're no good?
Why would he tell me he adores me but he hates the way I walk?
Why would he show me his colors but color me black?
What would you do if you stood up for yourself and someone spat in your face to sit your *** down?

#sad #abuse #relationship

Hannah Mar 2017

Depression

I heard the door bell
But ignored the ring
I went about my day
I thought I could enjoy the little things
My dogs basking in the sun
I played my favorite games
The door bell kept ringing
Yeah it was a little annoying
But I ignored it for the most part
Slept through the night
And did it over again

The rings turned into knocks
I played my games but was a little distracted
My dogs were still adorable and I hugged them tight
I laid in bed, took me awhile to sleep because there were still knocks at my door

A year goes by
And I've tuned out the knocks for the most part
I was still enjoying my games for the most part
My dogs energy was still entrancing me..for the most part

One day the knocks became bangs
BANG, BANG
was all I could hear at my door
My games weren't fun anymore
My dogs whined at my feet
Sleeping at first was hard
But eventually became easy
For it was the only way to escape the noise

#depression #lonely #ignore #denial

Jan 2017

AFJ

Honestly.

You can sense the sincerity in my breathe when i speak of my tragedies..
i wonder how life would be if i was born living lavishly?..
born with riches, and jewels, a chandelier and marble floor...
curtains, and high ceilings and a kitchen with French decor..

human race;
some of us start off with torn sneakers.
others born with nutritionist, and fitness teachers,
no i'm no preacher..
and no i'm not bashing the privileged..
but why pillage the fallen village, ?
so let me finish.

the human experience.
go to school for 20 years, work for another Thirty.
at best you'll retire at 65 and thats early..
Barely paid your house, finally own your vehicle...
only to enjoy it for a couple years and you see it go??

*** then you get sick, and your dead at Seventy..
who can uncover lifes secrets who has the remedy?
I think its out there somewhere but nobody is telling me..
till then, ill stay humming this silly melody.

-afj.

#love #laugh #live

Hannah Jan 2017

Shattered Glass

Your last breath was painful
You spat out so much hatred
Laid down all your guilt

It was a rainy day
But the sun dried out your lips
You yelled until you coughed up ashes

Not sure of what you had become
Change was impossible
So many attempts, yet no success

Such a ****** up shard
Grabbed yourself
Then bled

#self #depression #hatred

Hannah Dec 2016

My lovely room

Welcome to my room
Where sadness blooms into hatred
And your thoughts beat you to the floor
There's a place to sit
So you can cry
Or maybe you'd prefer to lie
There are so many options
And don't forget the bathroom
It has an endless supply
For instance you could watch yourself bleed
Oh my room is so welcoming
With every self loathing thought
I've spent so much time here
I'm destined to rot

#self #harm #depression #hate