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 Oct 2018 Infinity
Mick
where it starts
1. your girlfriend will have a miscarriage
for the second time
and you, you'll start using needles
THERE WILL BE NO DIRECT CORRELATION BETWEEN THESE TWO THINGS
but you tell yourself
a daughter is what would make life worth living
and subsequently what it takes to get you sober

2. you lose your job
because you're always in the bathroom missing veins
loss of job will inevitably spiral into an
"intolerable depression"
or
"extended sadness"
or
"whatever version of this is easiest to swallow"

3. you get to spend every holiday from your birthday until The Day She Dies sitting next to your mother's hospital bed
(except for when you're always in the bathroom, missing veiins)

LATER
your sister reassures you that mom didn't know the way you also choked back guilt with all the bile and unpleasant things in your trips to the restroom
but for now you will hate yourself
hate the sticky needles
and hate the way your girlfriend leaves all her ghosts behind when she leaves you

4. you find that bathroom floors are your new home
splayed out after your 8th overdose
jail cells are just a normal tuesday
and you keep waking up to razor blades left neatly on your pillow

where it ends

5. giving up ****** is like pulling teeth
messy and painful but typically necessary
and so hard to do alone
Cut me
Deep skilled strokes soothing my pain
Push me
Beat me down till i have no will to live
Or love me
Hold me close
Tell me everything will be alright
Do what you please
But please don't toy with me
or i will toy with you
 Oct 2018 Infinity
Dream
Baby i thought bout you
Maybe i wrote bout you
Baby i rode witchu
Maybe i fought witchu

Could've been, should've been, would've been but it ain't. Tryna forget boutchu but i can't.

But she prolly don't even think boutchu no more.
She with her other sides, she don't feel for you no more.
She ain't the type to help you grow.
You left me for a ***.

But i ain't cryin no more.
Lovin you ain't my habit no more.

But karma is a b**h.
You left me for her
she left you for him.

You made your choice.
I made mine.
It's over
And time to move on.
After a whole phase of 'he broke my heart' i learnt that life goes on. If he made his choice then nothing is stopping me from making mine. After lots of wars in my mind i learnt that i was only fighting myself. And now all im going to say is that its high time i move on
 Oct 2018 Infinity
Dream
Cover up
 Oct 2018 Infinity
Dream
I've begun a war, i wanna abandon.
But the love in me, the one you can't see, is the only reason im here.

I wanna defeat gravity.
I wanna be high and woke.
I wanna blow all these thoughts and the **** called feelings up in smoke.

I want that liquor in my hands and my *** on the floor.
Till i find my way, i won't take steps no more.

Don't wanna go home, cause walls gives the body warmth not the soul.

Give me words to express how i feel.
I don't wanna be real.

I wanna dissappear into the crowds, and not come out.
In my own world.
Im gonna cover up, i won't let them know.
Cover up, i won't let it show.
Cover up.....my broken soul
I wrote this a while ago⛧
 Sep 2018 Infinity
Path Humble
left my phone unlocked
on the taxi’s back seat,
won't be the last time

called it a few times
finally, the driver picked up

he had a fare immediately after mine,
and was now headed way downtown,
and would call later
when fate returned him nearer my office

and so it came to pass,
very shortly thereafter,

we met on the street,
he rolled down  the window
and with the greatest smile of pleasure,
as if he had won the lottery
beaming,
handed me my phone

I had two $20's to cover any expense he might have incurred,
neatly folded in my hand  
and offered it right up, right away;
but the driver repeatedly pushed my hand away
as I insisted,
saying:

"No sir, no no, not necessary!

Allah sent me a fare
that took me soon back close to you, so,
  no loss of time did I suffer,
so your offer is kindly unnecessary!"


to which I replied,

"exactly!
Allah sent you to me
so I could reward you!"


and with an equally, beaming smile I continued,

"our ride and meeting today,
together was pre-ordained it was


Inshallah!" ^

something he could not dispute...
or my knowledge thereof and it’s
proper pronouncement,
nor
his amazement,
to disguise!

  we parted ways
   each believing,
   each receiving,
a heavenly check plus,
each, credited with a mitzvah^^
on our
respective trip logs,
our humanly divine balance sheets,
kept by the
single
supreme taxi dispatcher
Arabic for ^"God/Allah willing" or "if God/Allah wills," frequently spoken by a Muslim


^^a meritorious or charitable act in the Jewish tradition

FYI,
NYC taxi cab drivers are suffering economically by the explosion of ride hailing app cars, many unable to pay their bills, earn a living, have committed suicide over the past few months
https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/sixth-new-york-city-cab-driver-dies-suicide-after-struggling-n883886

true story, poetry is there for the taking
Somewhere in between my scattered bed and fuzzy hair
Around the first lazy hour past midnight, I dreamt again
You were there with your ***** snapped teeth and razing eyes
You wanted to talk or you came back with your spirited voice to fight
Something is different about you now, the cuts on your thighs are deep
Covered with bandages of death
I came to tell you about my new found addiction to smoking
Fidgeted with a half-empty 
glass tightly clasped within your grip.
You were my home, and I was your tormentor
I didn't know the heaven I had, now hell stings with the flashes of you
I couldn't fit in either
I am dying
You turned to leave
He changed from this happy soul to the grimace of a devil
I would know that this  particular night was one where you so desperately needed to feel home.
Yet I could only observe you before returning to pick up the garbages left of you
Tomorrow I will visit not to torment you, rather to be your peace.
If coming back to what's left behind determines the goodness of living, look beyond the odds and keep it.
 Sep 2018 Infinity
Virtuous
Don't tell me I'm pretty
Tell me that I'm passionate
That I have drive
Tell me that I make you laugh
That I know how to make your day better
Don't tell me I seem nice
Tell me that I'm kind and compassionate
Tell me that I'm not afraid to dream and to dream big
Don't tell me I'm perfect
Tell me the you love me despite my flaws
That you want to spend the rest of your life with me
Don't tell me I'm beautiful
Tell me that you'll be faithful and forever true
 Jul 2018 Infinity
Hannah
I miss you
 Jul 2018 Infinity
Hannah
I miss you

I miss you like I miss summer in the winter
Begging for you to come back only to suffocate in your heat

Sometimes it is better to be cold

I miss you like I miss the rain on a hot, dry day
Wishing you would come and bring me soft showers and a cozy day in
But you only bring l me harsh wind and thunder

Sometimes it’s better to be hot

I miss you like I miss being able to sleep at night
Wanting you to wrap me up in your arms and tell me everything is okay
But you never will again

Sometimes it is better to be alone than suffer with the one that hurt you
 Jul 2018 Infinity
Rahama
...
     "This isn't who you are."

    "You're not the girl I used to know."

   "I don't know who you've become."

He repeats these lines
So much these days
It annoys me more than
A broken record ever could
Ever should
Ever would
Cause I told him
I warned him thoroughly

     "I'm not nice."

    "You won't like the real me."

   "I'm not worth fighting for."

But he didn't listen
He filled my head with empty
Promises that he meant
He filled my heart with hollow
Vows that he could never fulfill

     "How can a person be so cold?"

    "How can a lady be so cruel?"

   "How can you change so fast?"

He looks hurt and
I hurt a little
But I shut down
Cause that's what I always do

     "I'm nefarious, lover."

    "Had my heart broken a few times."

   "Now it's made of stone."
I hope Nefarious Breed finds this.♥♥♥
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