I'm thinking about you a little bit.
Okay, a lot.
Maybe because your lips were the last to touch mine
(6 days ago) (and counting)
Or maybe because you tried to Skype me from your roof last night.
That was sweet of you.
But also
so very representative
of your lack of  l o g i c  &  r e a s o n.
You worry me.
Did you know that?
Maybe.
Maybe I think about you because you're great at ***.
I'd like that to be the reason.
But it isn't.
Because now when I think about you I don't think about *******.
****.
I think about when you kissed me in that stupid deli.
I think about when you danced with me down Boylston.
And how you always tell me to smile
And how, for some reason, that makes me want to frown.
And how being with you makes me want to tell someone I love them.
But not necessarily you…
And how you inspire me to create things. Anything.
Like stream of consciousness poetry. So thank you.
But then again
This didn't turn out very well, did it?

should my soul decide to
leave this body of mine
please,
stop all hospitals.
prevent paramedics from waltzing in.
kindly tell them
i do not wish to be revived.

don't allow any visitors
just,
call on my Mother.
yes. simply,
call on Her
tell Her not to cry but
hold my father's hand

tell Her to love him again
tell my Mother,
never has Her daughter,  
seen a man so strong,
so broken.
tell Her
what she sees now,
looking at this body,  
is what i saw,
in my father,  
the day she left him.
and every second
of EVERYDAY
after that.
tell Her
she ripped his heart out
of his strong chest.
left a dead man walking,

should she weep with sadness
or tremble with heartache
call on my brothers,
[Our Soldiers and entire army]

tell them to hold Her
          whisper how
i carried Her
      in my spirit,
kissed Her
          with every heartbeat given to me.

tell Her
my tongue would pray for her,
my hands would soak up her tears,
my nails attempted to claw away her pain
tell Her
my heart sang songs of thanks giving to her,
what beautiful songs they'd sing.

should my soul flee from this body,
please,
tell my Mother not to despair,
tell Her,
my spirit became the sky
to watch over Her
in every hour.
tell Her,  
the stars are part of me now

all She has to do
is
look up.

Gazing at the stars, she searched for him. The tears sparkled like the night sky that winked back.  
Somewhere deep inside, her conscious  screamed, begging for mercy. Not a single sound escaped from her mouth.  
For the first time in years, she didn't fight, but rather, welcomed the chaos that brewed in the depths of her psyche.
She let it break her down. Bit by bit, until all that's left are the ashes of past lives, a skeleton of a once vibrant being.
It felt good, comforting, to feel insane. So out of touch with the rest of the cosmos.
There she stood, like the statue of a love scorn woman, letting her soul burn.
Engulfed by the internal flame, the ocean whispering its sweet nothings, her smile crept out of hiding. It spoke 1000 words.
She felt like the sea, calm on the surface  but underneath it all was uncontrollable disarray.
Hidden secrets, bidding their time until destruction.
The cool breeze wrapped its arms around the core of her being, soothing her stifled sobs.
A reminder that she's not alone. He is there. Watching. Waiting. Protecting.
The tide that splashed up, reaching up to lightly kiss her skin. Inhaling deeply, she could feel his energy rush into the darkest corners of her mind. A reminder of a love she used to have.
She seemed so beautiful in her pain. She carried it so well. It was buried so deep, but her eyes made the cracks in her armor visible.
He looked down at her, admiring the beautiful disaster he began to create.
Those tears were his doing. He broke her heart, shattered into thousands of pieces. His decision drove her into madness.
Oh, what he would give to take it all back. To wipe away her tears, never letting them touch the ground.
If only they had realized that their love would have been the saving grace.
He whispers another apology, the sea kissing her skin once more.
His name passed by the gates of her mouth, without a sound.
She held her breath and let herself be taken over.
One last breath before she dived in.
The ocean swept her up, off to the love of her life.

I wish life was as easy as
1, 2, 3...
Do
     Re
           Mi...
But life isnt easy. Its like solving a tough algebriac expression. You stress out about it, but you find that answer after hard work.
Then why is it hard to comprehend that a relationship comes with stress?
Why does everyone think it has to be like Cinderella and her prince?
Its not.
Relationship means work.
And work leads to success.
Sound easy enough?

There used to be a poem here written to the one I used to love.
Turns out he really was the ******* I met years ago; just in a really good disguise.
Have a great life.