I felt it first –
the day we wore waterproof boots in Amsterdam in August,
an unexpected storm did little to disturb us
I began to notice it then
the secret in this town that everyone, except me, knew about

Something that was hushed and passed around
under the blanket of moon
hidden away in a fiercely dark room of the Red Light
beneath maroon velvet curtains and leather-topped stools
or nestled beneath a bridge on the black canal past midnight.

I saw water dotted with blurred droplets, dark blue
the reflection of milky streetlights.
I pull the curtains in the mezzanine and the show begins
on the street below. I look out.

A curve of the lips
a gentle folding of the arms
a hand brushing against another

A secret never told
A city more alive than awake.

Yicketty Yack his loaded knuckles snap
with each invasive step he takes
towards bringing the daisies back.

Like a Gorilla dragging a bag of prolific
back up to the front of the line like,
"Look here, Mom, we made it this time!"

Young blood bloated dumb,
can't you hear them humble drums
droning on from the swampy slums?

Here we are! Final Stop! The point where four corners of the earth converge in preparation of the coming plunder.

It's a wonder for the poodles to ponder.
But why bother when every ounce of effort conjured turns into cannon fodder for those pesky mammoths ripe with Karma?

The other day,
my friend brought up something
that happened years ago,
and it was the strangest phenomenon,
the way it felt like that
wasn't even part of my memories
because it occurred before I met you,
like I wasn't even myself
until you came along,
like my entire life is only the span
between when you came
and when you left.

You don't see me
You see through my layers
Of plastic sheets,
My void, my empty.
The place where blood
Would pulse and beat
Where our souls would meet,
Now only loneliness convulses
And hatred seethes
Bubbling from these pores
I'm melting, I'm melting!
Here in this horrible void,
Gravity contorts and
I feel heavy and weightless,
Pulled and pushed
Until I'm shapeless.
I carry graveless bones
To no destination,
To no home.
I'm nowhere
And
No one.
Alone
Alone
Alone.

-SLuR

you were a constellation
a beautiful complexity
a pattern only I could see
but then it changed
the arrangement became an endless kaleidoscope
you were a mash of stars I could not make sense of
you entangled me in your lines until I could not see the way out
now all you are is the yellow city lights
forever blinding my view of the beauty beyond