you feel disgusted with yourself
but in the eyes of the concrete
you are viewed as wholly reborn
there is an uncomfortable beauty
in every shape of the pain you feel
and it's all you've known, you see
barbed-wire for that safety net
a heavy head filled near the brim

but a soul exists within that form
separate of the tormented skin
the scratching & clawing within
there is an eternal essence of all
being, there is flawed divinity in you
one must stop and really breathe it

you've survived your mind, brother
of mine, and that alone is no small
feat, there's fear all around and it's
always drawing near, but you can
continue onward, you can still live.
at the end of it all, when you return
to the universe, you can at least
have with you in those final moments,
complete unity and understanding.
you can view the grand precipice of
your being with full awareness,
and that is yours. you take that with
you as you cross over, into eternity

a low, low lonely boy
sitting at a desk, vices
laid out before him.
there are whispers from
the other room, he can
hear them but cannot
make out what they are
saying. the tones are
disapproving, however,
so one could assume the
worst. one is usually inclined
to only assume the worst.

pants around the ankles, heart
beat slowing from a near sprint
and the illusion of desire now
shattering and raining on the
***** carpet around. the choked
sunlight, what's left of it, collapses
among the shards of fantasy.

a tray of chocolate covered almonds
which was filled with eager hands,
intent on gorging, sits half eaten before
the dim light of the screen
those same eager hands choked the
innocence of the day, slowly,
and those same guilty hands now
hold the face of that lonely boy.

we are sometimes lucky enough to know people who illuminate our skies like the northern lights

we appreciate them even when we don't show it
and love them even with our fists slammed into the wall.

we do not have to be broken hearted.
we are so conditioned to believe that it is the people who love us that will hurt us most,
which in turn,
distorts our meaning of love into pain.

they say the only way to reverse this idea is to forgive, but
forgiveness is a tricky thing
and if we don't learn when to use it for others and when to use it for ourselves,
we will end up alone.

but people like me aren't afraid of being alone.

and you should know,
that i don't spare the lives of those who hurt me.
and even if you lay breathing tonight,
by morning,
you'll wish you were dead.

you bound me in despair
to your will and body bare

I decided that's all that
happiness was

the choir is singing hallelujah, now.
my best isn't much but there's sweat on my brow. everything went wrong, everything goes wrong.

I'm in an irrational routine with these things. I write and sing and drive and act out of turn.
but there's something right about now

I like the sleepless nights
I feel free and alive
It's sweeter than bright
brighter than sweet

I feel I have a purpose
I feel in control of those
Opposing forces
the one guiding the wheel
the one gripping the pen,
covered in ink and dirt

I embrace it with whatever
parts of me I can muster

I become a different person

but this nirvana will end soon
there are other people I am
required to be at times, and
that time is now upon me

it all could be so easy and
I think it's becoming easier

such I fool, I am
it's hard to think about at times

I pulled into the parking lot
found the idea of you and
sped off like the fool I swore
to never be

you do this to me,
time and time again

but I think if I let myself
realize it, I'd realize I
missed you more than I
thought I never needed
you, dear. have mercy.
find compassion. release me.