People will walk up to me and ask
Are you okay?
In reply I'll always either say "ya I'm fine" or "I'm alright"
Then I plaster on a fake smile
But they think it's real o they walk away satisfied even though inside I'm dying

Now people who I know will walk up and say "you look tired" and in reply I'll say "ya, I don't sleep very much" then they'll go silent and ignore anything else I say or they'll say "same" and walk away
Little do they know that it's because my demons chase all my dreams away

Now the few people that I can call friends don't really ever ask me how I am for they no longer want to hear the answer
Little do they know that the light is quickly fading from my eyes

I no longer have any friends
So no one asks me how I am
I also no longer have to pretend
Little do they know that tonight I'll say goodbye

I sing a lonely song
I sing it for the people who feel they have no one that cares
I sing it for the people with no place to call home
I sing it to the people who are surrounded but with no love

I sing an angry song
I sing it to all the people left to cry
I sing it to the people who got left with no warning or goodbye
I sing it for the betrayed
And I sing it to the played

I sing a sad song
I sing it to the people who have lost all hope
I sing it to the people who have cried more then a thousand tears
I sing it to the people with no will left to give
I sing it to the heartbroken
And I sing it to the shattered

I sing a happy song
I sing it to the people with no pain left to feel
I sing it to the people who have been given a break
I sing it to the innocent to advise them not to look deep

I sing a song about love
I sing it to the people who have someone to hold
I sing it for the people who have someone to call their own
I sing it for the careless
And i sing it for the careful
I sing it for the captivated
And for those who only seek

I sing one last desperate song
I sing it for those who want to give up
I sing it to those who feel like they've had enough
I sing it to those who feel worthless and lost
And most of all I song it to those who can no longer think of a because

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"How are you?"
(Drowning)

"What are you doing?"
(Fading away)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(How are you?)
"I'm fine"

(What are you doing)
"Listening to music"

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"What makes you want to die?"
(The constant people who use me)

"What makes you want to live?"
(John and his love)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(What make you want to die?)
"Lots I guess"

(What makes you want to live?)
"My stuffies"

"Hello" I say to you
(Hello) You reply

"How do you feel right now"
(I want to go away. Forever)

"What do you want?"
(Actual consistent love)

(Hello) You say
"Hello" I reply

(How do you feel right now?)
"I'm okay. Listening to music"

(What do you want?)
"Cuddles"

(Don't lie to me)
"I'm not"

(What do you want?)
"Love?"

(No)
"Okay"

(So?)
"I want to be free"

(I want to die please)
"I want to die please"

As you may see
They are both me
But the difference is
One is who you see

I wanna write a poem about you
But everytime that I try to
My mind trails off
And turns the lines
Into sentences
And paragraphs

I wanna write a poem about you
But everytime I try to
I have too much to say
And too much to write

I wanna write a poem about you
But everytime I try to
I think of all the reasons
I love you

Then my mind spirals
And wanders
Until I'm left with paragraphs
And lines with no flow
That spiral out of control

I want you to hold my hand
And along with it
Help hold my fears

I want you to hold me close
And keep me safe

I want you to kiss me
Like the minute I go
You'll miss me

I want you to make me smile
And make me laugh
Like I never have before

I want you to let me hold your hand
And help hold your fears

I want you to let me hold you close
And keep you safe

I want you to let me kiss you
Like the second you go I'll miss you

I want you to let me make you smile
And make you laugh
Like no one ever could
And no one else ever will

I want my heart to be yours
And yours to be mine
But maybe it's too soon

So I'll wait in the shadows of your smiles
And hope one day you fall for me
The way I have fallen for you

I will cut the part of me
Where I feel
Your presence hovering

I will cut the part of me
That you loved the most
To look at and see

I will cut the part of me
That makes poeple
Lust after me

If I cut my face
Your gaze will travel
Down
Down
Down

If I cut my chest
Your gaze will falter and break
As you get angry at me

I can see you in my mind
Hovering over
The piece of me that is now damaged

If I cut the parts of me
That you always wanted to see
You will drown
In my memories

You make me smile
When the world feels like
Its been ending
For such a long while

You make me laugh
When everything feels like
Its gonna crumble
And fall

You make me happy
When everything feels like
Its gonna push me
Way over the edge

You make me feel cared for
When everything feels like
Its out to get me
And keep me harmed

You make me feel wanted
When all I've ever felt before
Was used
And abused

You make me feel loved
When all I've ever known
Was hatred
And dispare

I love you
And all you've ever done
And do for me

I make jokes

I don't make normal jokes though

The jokes I make are self deprecating

I call them jokes
But in reality they are how I really feel
They are my secret truth
The truth I have hidden away

You joke and say you are trash
I disagree then I say I am recycling
You don't get it
You ask me to explain
I say
"I am recycling because I get re-used"
You laugh and say good one
I laugh but on the inside
I know it's not really a joke

Theres a key to a room in a place I call home
Or a more fitting name
House

There's a key to a room
And that room is mine

I do not live alone
I am not old enough
I live with my parents
And my brother
And a pet
Although
I wish to have two

So why is there a key to your room?

Well because
You see

Once upon a time ago
My own father
Stole my soul

You ask me why I look so pale
I laugh and say
"I never leave my room"
But I can't tell you the truth
That I lost alot of blood last night

You laugh because
I fell asleep
In the living room
Which is something
I never do
I wake up and laugh along
Hiding from you
That I lost alot of blood last night

I sleep through the afternoon
And daze myself through the day
Half aware and half awake

Because I lost
Alot of blood
Last night

You tell me
You won't ever leave

But that's what everyone else said too
But then I ended up losing them
The way I don't ever wanna lose you

But hey if I do lose you
I'll be okay
Or at least that's what I'll tell myself
Before I fade away

So hey
You tell me you won't ever leave me
And you ask me to never leave you

But one day
I'll be afraid
Your drifting away

So I'll say goodbye
Before you can
Then I'll cry
Because of me
And not because of you

Because
If it's my fault
It'll hurt less

But if it's your fault
I'll wanna put you through a test

What test?
Well
Let's just say

If you leave I'm gonna test
How long can you last?
How long can you withstand my words?
How long until you falter under the words I speak?
How long until you can't stand me repeating the lies you said?
How long until you break?

Because I know just the right things to say
To make you fade away
The way you made me

So please don't leave me
Cause I don't wanna hurt you
But if you do
That's what I'll have to do

Leave my heart
You're tearing it apart
And you sit right in the middle
Taking down the walls
One for every two I build

Leave my thoughts
Because you occupy every one
And if you stay I'm gonna hurt someone
But I think I already have

Leave me please
Because I can't bear my feelings
But even if you do I might not be able to

I don't want you to go
But you hurt me

I don't want you to go
But you use me

I don't want you to go
But this is unhealthy

So as much as I love you

Please just leave me

And don't return
When you miss me

You have now left me

As I sit here fighting away more tears
I wonder
Do you remember all the things I wrote about you?
Do you remember the poem called You that I wrote?

You probably don't

Even though you left me today it feels like it was forever ago
For you seem so far away from me

Did you think about the fact that you come over early every thursday so you can get to youth?
Wether I'm coming or not?

You probably didn't

Now every time you come over
I will retreat
I will retreat to my bedroom
To the bathroom
Or out the door
So I can find somewhere quite to cry

Because your smile gave me life
Your gaze gave me butterflies

You are utterly beautiful in my eyes
But you don't see yourself that way

So you break
And then you leave me
Because 'you can't handle a relationship'
I understand
But my heart still shattered when I read those words

Tears instantly swelled my eyes and started to pour
Just like rain on a lonely night

Now tonight as I go lay in my bed
I will stare out my window
At the wall
Or the roof

Remembering your smile
Remembering your laugh
Remembering how safe I felt next to you
Pressed into you
And just near you

I will lay there as tears streak my cheeks
As I remember the way my heart would beat just at the sight of you
As I remember the way my heart would break when I saw the smile falter from your face

For I didn't want you to feel broken like me
Because you deserve to be happy

You are beautiful to me
And you always will be

Now as I sit here my thoughts will not leave you

If anyone asks for me to be theirs I will probably say no
And I probably will for many years

But if I say yes I will not truly love them
For I will forever remember when you were my puppy
And I was your kitten

Confused
That is what I am
About everything
That has to do with you

Because I know
You will never want me
Because I'm not your type
Nor am I a typical girl

But even so
I have to say this
Because if I don't
I'll end up telling you everything

Your smile is like a cold
It's contagious if you get too close
But unlike a cold
It draws you in

Your voice is like the sun
It fills me with warmth
But the minute it's gone
I become cold again

You hugged me one time
And it was like nothing before
Every bad feeling just flew out the door
That's when I knew I loved you
But I cant say a thing

So
I will observe you in painful silence
And cherish every word
Every gesture
Every glance
Every feeling
Hoping one day
It won't just be me
Feeling this way
But I know that's just a stupid fantasy

So every night
And every morning
I'll stay in silence
And put on a mask of false hope
And cover my mouth with restraining lies
Until one day I falter

Until that day I will lay awake
Every night
Thinking of you
Because you occupy my every thought
And keep me awake with thoughts of being called yours
And
Every morning
I'll wake up tired
But with hope that
Maybe I'll see you today
Maybe
Just maybe

You linger there
In the back of my mind
Like a ghost
Held in by time

You linger there
Trying to push your way forward
Urging me to think
About
YOU

You linger there
But I don't want you to

For everytime I let you forward
I start to smell your scent

For everytime I let you forward
I start to feel your presence

For everytime I let you forward
I'm rendered
Silent
Unmoveable

For everytime I let you froward
You haunt me

You linger there
Taunting me
Haunting the darkest corners of
Me

Ive been trapped
And stuck
Ever since I was little
Other than
Those
Little tiny snippets of
Normal

Age 3
Staring at the cars
All in a row
While they yell
In the background;
Stuck

Age 3
In the grass
On a sunny day
With all the room to play;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 5
I cried and cried
As my only friend
And our dog
Died;
Stuck

Age 5
On the swing
Reaching way up high
To touch the clouds
Watching me
From the sky;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 7
Late at night in a campground
As I hear people shout
And break things
Not so far from me
But I just needed the code
To the bathroom
To ***;
Stuck

Age 7
At the beach
Feet in the sand
Face all red from the heat
And water in my hair
As I laugh with a random stranger;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 8
Moving to a house
And thinking its great
Until the knife marks
Blood stains
And undergarments
In the fire place;
Stuck

Age 8
Finding the rockface
And seeing the first sunset
From my tall mountain advantage;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 9
Feeding me lies
As he steals my soul
And anything I ever had within;
Stuck

Age 9
Camp arrowflight
Smores
Friends
Games
Sunburns
And sleeping under the stars;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 10
Blades across skin
Blood dripping onto the floor
From my wrist
And from within
Places he shouldn't be;
Stuck

Age 10
Friends houses full of
Laughs
Smiles
Fun toys to be a kid with
And many places to explore
With our imagination as our feet wander
Anywhere beyond there;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 12
Running into the night
Afraid but free
As I walk for hours
Until my final destination
Where I stay
Until found;
Stuck

Age 12
Finally moving in with a friend
And the family
Seeing peaceful
Not dysfunctional;
Tiny snippet of normal

Age 13
He defiles my body
My boyfriend to be
But I love him
So I'm his;
Stuck

Age 13
Exploring new places
With a new family
Smiles on our faces;
Tiny snippet of normal

Age 14
Back again
Back with him
Because you love him
So you're his
And so am I;
Stuck

Age 14
Exploring a ravine
Free
And calm
With music by my side
For the first time
My own;
Tiny snippet of normal

Age 15
It happens again
But this time
I dont bleed from within
Just from my thighs
And my wrists
Before I escape;
Stuck

Age 15
Moving in somewhere new
Cuddles and games
And kisses
And so much soft affection
From you;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 16
You cheated
On me
I scream and I kick
I hate you
Get away from me;
Stuck

Age 16
Walks to the store
Inside jokes and park runs
Full of smiles and laughs
And we finally got a cat;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 17
I must once again flee
As I am blamed
For the truth of another
And they all
Want me gone;
****

Age 17
There isnt a little tiny snippet of normal.

Age 18
You defile me
And she allows it
As she loves you
So she is yours
And I must be too
But you're not the same love
As before
No
You're new;
Stuck

Age 18
Applying for my own money
Getting new supports
Getting better help
Finding people who love me
So I am theirs
But this time they don't know
My reasons
As they never force it;
Little tiny snippet of normal

Age 19
Youve done it again mom
Found a new love
Who declares me his
As much as yours
But this time
I stay away
And you keep him
At bay
But you're suffering;
Stuck

Age 19
A month away
Practically on my own
A lifelong dream
Trips with my own money
To places that make me happy
And a new friend
Who likes me
For me;
Little tiny snippet of normal


These little tiny snippets of normal
Keep me going
And keep me sane
But everytime they disappear
So does my hope
Of getting away

Little tiny snippets of me
Fading away

You look at me for the first time
After I lose my memory of you
And I see a stranger
Giving me a lovely look
And I feel confused
By the way you look at me

I recap my memory with some assistance from you
You love me
I love you
Or that's what you tell me
But you're a stranger
This doesn't feel lovely
This feels lonely

Few weeks go by
Things are lovely
Sometimes
But when I collapse and I break
And I need you to help me back to shore
You're nowhere in sight
And I drown
And I'm lonely

I drown and just before I go under
I see you on the shore
Watching me
Observing me
And when I yell for your help
One last time
You yell back that you cant help me
From the shore
You're too far away to do anything

You don't jump in to try
You don't attempt to save me
You just allow me to drown
As you watch
So lonely

But when I can swim
All on my own
When I'm not drowning
You carry me around
You swim with me on your back
You hold my hand in the water
So lovely

I don't understand how you ended up on the shore
Right as I begin to drown
And I don't understand how you can no longer carry me
Right when I need it
Lo(n/v)ely

You look at me
So tell me
What do you see?
Because I can guarantee
You don't see
ME

You don't see the dried tears
That once fell
Where rosy cheeks
Now sit

You don't see the drowned out smiles
From all the frowns
Where true smiles
Once hovered

You don't see the memories I keep
You only peek at what I say
As I wish to keep the darkest stuff
At bay

You don't hear the thoughts that whisper to me
In the silence
Of the darkest nights

You don't hear what I tell myself
When I look in the mirror
As I wish to keep those thoughts
To my own mind

You don't know the ****** up things
I've whispered
And heard
And wanted

You don't know what my soul whispers
As I laugh
At the sweet trickle of soothing
Red

You don't know the darkest corners
The most messed up parts
Of me

Look at me
No
That's not what I mean
I mean really
Look at me and see that when you look me in the eye
All there is are forbidden tears
Look at me without long sleeves
Then maybe you'll see the harm I do
See
Don't just look

Because you seem to think I'm fine
And you ignore all the pathetic lies
You ignore me because

"I'm fine :)"

But what does I'm fine really mean?
It means I'm begging someone to care
I'm begging for love
But I can't say that
I can't show that
Because if I do

"All you want is attention"

But no
I want genuine
I'm sick of fake
I'm sick of people seeing how bad my arms now are
And just saying

"I'm sorry"

Like that helps
But it doesn't
Because I'm sick of pity

All I want is someone to hold me
Without saying a word

I thought that I would lose myself before I lost you
But I was wrong

One night I accidentally pushed you too far and your demons claimed you
They took your soul and they took your heart and they damaged you one last night

I thought that I would lose myself before I lost you
But I was wrong

For you are now gone and I have lost a part of me along with you

I love the time I spend with you
It makes me want to do better
And it makes me want to try
And do things on my own
With you watching
And guiding

I loved cuddling under the bridge
Watching as it rained
And dripped a bit on us

I loved kissing you that first time
It made my heart melt
And made me feel warm inside

I loved when you played with my hair
You did it with such care
When I never even asked you

I love when you stare at me
It makes me feel shy
And a little pretty

I love when you rub my arm
And my back
It makes me feel comfortable
And safe in your arms

I love laughing with you
It makes me feel free
And mostly at ease

I love making you smile
It makes my heart warm
And makes me feel worth it

I love your hair with all its floof
Its cute when it gets in the way
And I have to move it to kiss
All the sadness away

I love the way you make me feel
As if maybe I can keep going
And finally be real with someone
Without having to worry

I love when I get to hold you close
It makes me feel wanted
And like you're okay with me wanting you

I love when you laugh
At all the small things I do
Even when I have to just wonder why

I love seeing the way you feel
When I look you in the eye
Because I know it's not bad
And I don't have to worry

I love all the smiles you bring to my face
It takes only a small amount of effort
Of just being you

People love you more
The more you hate yourself

You love the way I cry
When something inside me
Once again dies

You love the way
It gives all opportunity
To save me

You love the way I scar
After I cleanse myself
Deep inside

You love the way
That my memories of you
Will never fade from my body

You love the way it hurts
When you love me
Internally

You love that it means
I dont feel as if I was loved
By so many others

You love that im broken
You love the I'm damaged
You love that you can save me
You love the way I cling to every nice word
Action
And promise

But you hate the way
That I can learn
To love myself
Even when I hate
That I exist

The time I had with you was the best I've had in awhile

You made me smile
Like no one else could

You made me laugh
Like no one else could

But soon it will be time for me to go
Time for us to part

I love you
More than anyone before

But soon it's time for us to part
Because long distance will tear us apart

It will ruin your heart
Because I'm not faithful in long distance

Because I will cheat
Not once
Not twice
But more than you would want to count

So it's time for us to part soon
Because long distance is too hard
And I don't want to shatter your heart

So I love you
And soon this will be goodbye

Feeling deep in my chest
Like I'm forgetting something
Or somebody
Important to me
Or what used to be

Feeling deep within
Like I'm empty
Where something important
Once stood
And whispered to me

Feelings
Fading
Along with memories
I held dear
And ones I have longed
To forget for awhile

I know you're missing
I know you're lost
But where the emptiness is
I cant seem to reach
To pull you back up
To the surface
Of being important to me

You've faded into
Nothing more
Than a lost memory

I sit here and I think to myself
Are all the versions of me
Just captured pieces of the same personality?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and River
Could see all the same
Would they eventually feel less pain?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and Keara
Understood one another
Would we learn not to hate?

I sit here and wonder
If Raven and Rain
Could see eachother
Would we still be the same?

I sit here and wonder
What may happen
As we each grow and change

I sit here and wonder
Once we can all see
Feel
And communicate
Our pain

Will
I
Still
Be the same?

Depression
That is my name
I watch you from the shadows
I befriend you when I can break you
And then I leave when you can no longer stand to live
There are very few people who can push me away
I’m tired more often than not
I can’t stand others or the things they do
I don’t sleep for I am always planning my next attack
I eat just enough to survive
Not much more
This world feels like a domain of pain
I don’t dress with style
I wear oversized hoodies and trashed jeans
I rarely comb my hair for the effort is too much
I hide in the shadows therefore no one knows my name
This world is so dull
The only reason I stay is to break others
I sit in my room day by day other than when I’m at school tearing myself apart
I have forgotten the things other people teach me and the names of the people I have shattered
I never concentrate on anything but the broken
I don’t care for the people I break for I have become too numb
Nor do I feel pain
I think mostly about the way I’ll disappear and die
For that’s how I pass the time that was created to torture lost souls

Anxiety
That is my name
You know my cousin paranoia
I don’t let others close except for the few I cling to for they keep me from flying apart
I dread any interactions with people I don’t know know and sometimes even with the people I do
I watch my surroundings constantly searching for danger
I expect the worst for every situation
I can’t focus nor concentrate on anything for more than half the time
I’m always tense and I jump at hello’s for they make me anxious
Almost everything is highly irritating for everything calls for change
More often than not my mind blanks and I’m ****** into a whole different world
My heart is constantly pounding at the anticipation of fear
I am constantly sweating with a paralyzing terror
I get extreme headaches from even the smallest noises
I get stomach aches more than twice a day
I’m dizzy every second of every hour
Every day I wish to escape

Bipolar
That is my name
No one can ever anticipate how I’ll feel other than me
If even I do therefore no one wants to be my friend
Sometimes I burst out in anger and become dangerously aggressive for reasons not even I can place
Sometimes I place myself up high high high
Way above others
Some say I become overconfident for no reason at all
I don’t like how easily I can be made to cry or how easily with no explanation I become sad
No matter how much I sleep I feel more awake than I should even if I only sleep half an hour
Others call me uncharacteristically impulsive
Yet I don’t understand
They also call me moody and it makes me upset with either sadness or anger
I often become confused at even the smallest things
Rarely anything captivates my attention

DPD
That is my nickname
I automatically trust and cling to everyone I know
I don’t ever make my own decisions
No matter how many times someone hurts me I still go back to them
I never am mad at others
I always let everyone else win an argument against me for I believe I’m the only one who's wrong
I always manage to avoid taking responsibility for anything at all
I am never on my own
I’m always with someone I know
If I’m in a relationship that ends I completely shut down for a month or two
I don’t speak when this happens and I spiral down
Down
Down
Until I hit bottom  
People say I never have and never will be able to meet the things life demands for survival
They say I’ll die at twenty-five

Schizophrenia
That is my name
I never talk to anyone other than the friends I was born with
People call me hostile and suspicious
They say I react way too extremely to criticism
I never bathe or do things anywhere close to that for clean things burn my soul
People say I’m expressionless and emotionless for I am never smiling or frowning or showing emotion at all
I sleep whenever I’m not at school
Sometimes even when I am
I don’t ever remember anything except my friends names nor do I concentrate on anything but them when I’m not required to focus on my movement to class or home
Everyone calls me insane

Anorexia
That is my name
My friends are the models in magazines
People think I’m creepy looking because of how thin I am
I’m constantly losing weight
The rare time I got my blood checked the doctor said I had an abnormally low amount
I always skip P.E. for if I don’t I end up fainting
I often am dizzy
I have seizures every once in awhile
People say my nails are extremely brittle
I may die before eighteen  

Bulimia
That is my name
I have no friends for everyone whispers freak behind my back
I often stay in my room
I am constantly worried that I weigh too much so I stay away from mirrors to the best of my ability
I hate the shape of my body
People never go near me anymore
Not even my family

Insomnia
That is my name
I have no friends nor do I approach others for my brain is always too tired for interaction
I never sleep for my soul is always restless
I am always tired but I am unable to rest
I am extremely easy to irritate
People say I never pay attention or focus on the task at hand nor do I remember very much of anything
People say I make way too many mistakes and errors
I no longer go to school because my grades were never anything more than f’s
People say I’ll die homeless

PTSD
That is my nickname
I don’t talk to other people for everyone one way or another reminds me of my past
I often have extreme terrifying flashbacks of the things my soul has endured
I hate sleeping for all I ever have are nightmares that leave me paralyzed
I have become emotionally numb
I avoid a lot of places for most places are a reminder
I rarely am able to concentrate
I often feel extremely jumpy
Everything and everyone irritates me in one way or another and often anger me as well

Multiple personality disorder
That is my name
Sometimes people who I address as my friends call me Raven
Sometimes they call me acasia
Rarely they call me lilith
Although I can be all these people Raven is always waiting in the shadows whispering sweet truth
I often completely forget things and never remember them again
Sometimes I even forget my age
People say I am always severely distressed and don't function like a human
Maybe it’s cause my soul is a ghost

These people are far from repair and terrifying to most
But this is my circle of friends

In reality
I'm alright
Theres a smile on my face
I say "I'm okay"
You see a person
Whose happy
And positive

Metaphorically
The I'm alright screams help
The smile says save me
The I'm okay really says "see the truth"
I'm not a person anymore
I'm my own monster
I'm sad
And broken

In reality
I'm pretty
Beautiful
And cute
You see someone whose thin
You see someone with nice hair
You see someone with beautiful eyes
You see someone whose looks seem flawless

Metaphorically
I'm ugly
Unattractive
And unappealing
I see someone whose overweight
I see someone whose hair needs to be changed alot to look okay
I look in my eyes and all I see is my demons
I look at my self and all I see is scars
The visible
And invisible

In reality
My mom seems happy
My dad is not as bad
My brother is nicer
My dog is less afraid
I have friends
I'm mentally alright
Theres nothing but the dark at night

Metaphorically
My moms not alright
My dad is worse and gradually becoming more comfortable around me
My brother is always putting up an act
My dog is oblivious
My friends are the shadows
My mentality is destroying itself
And theres monsters that lurk in the night

This is my metaphorical actuality
Because
The metaphors are the reality
And the reality is my metaphor

Missing you
And along with you
A part of me

You have a piece of my heart
And I have a piece of yours

We traded
So now we must keep the others piece safe

Otherwise me and you
Will both break

She looks into his eyes
All she sees is a hazed over mist

He has been hurt many a time
But so has she

His eyes are misty
Hers are clear

Everyone knows he's broken
But no one sees her

He has never been able to hide
But she has mastered deception

So she goes on unoticed
Faking a smile
And the look in her eyes

He goes on noticed
But only by his brokeness

They may sound
Like they would be alone
But
They have eachother

He knows the truth she hides
And helps her express it

She makes him happy
And makes his eyes light

They have eachother
And each others enough

My scars are my story

My mind is my prison

My words are my outlet

My body is my captor

My actions are my language

And my love is my weapon

Every time I see a couple
My heart whisper
Nathaniel

Every time I see people cuddling
My heart whispers
Nathaniel

Every time I see people holding hands
My heart whispers
Nathaniel

Every time I hear people say I love you to each other
My heart whispers
Nathaniel

Every time I see people kissing
My heart whispers
Nathaniel

Every night as I lay awake
Alone
Wishing I had someone to hold me
My heart whispers
Nathaniel

Every time I listen to music
No matter the song
My mind wanders
And my heart whispers
Nathaniel

My heart whispers his name
Day in
Day out

It whispers his name
And it doesn't let me forget it

It will never allow me to forget

Your eyes are brown
The colour of the foundation
of earth
When I look into them
I feel stable and secure

Your hair reminds me of the crows
That scrounge and land
Always searching for something more
Always longing for something
Thats missing

You're tall like rose bushes
Or newly planted trees
Pricking people who get too close
But also liking the touch of tender hands
Tending to the things you need to stay
At peace

The sound of your voice
Reminds me of summer rain
It's a soothing sound
And warms you deep within
With the soft trickle of gentle words

You mesmorize me
Like the purple of the sky
After a setting sun

You remind me
Of the summer when you pull people in
With the promise of fun and adventures
But when you get drained
From everyone
You become the winter night
Casting all people back home
Leaving you on your own

You walk
And you walk
Hopefully
You never walk
Too far

Only a house
Never a home

When someone tells you, you have a lot of people
But you still feel so alone because you've only ever had a house
Never a home

When someone tells you they love you but you still feel worthless because you've only ever had a house
Never a home

Only a house
Never a home

Surrounded
But alone

Loved
But worthless

Cared for
But self reliant

Only a house
Never a home

Eventually forgotten
Eventually gone

Every night I flee
I flee the place most would call home
For to me the place is just a house

Every night I escape
I escape into my mind
While music follows close behind

Every night I drown
I drown in every feeling I've ever felt
In the feeling of unconsensual hands
Brought on by the memories in my mind

Every night I go outside
Into the dark as it holds me tight
Closer and safer then any person
Has ever felt

I can be me
I can be free
But thats honestly
Scary

I think of all the times I said no
And the times I couldnt speak

I think of all the times no ones listened to me
But then they treat me like I never said a thing
And I become a problem

I scream in my mind
Feeling left behind

I claw at desperate feelings
Of the smallest sliver of happy

I crave the warmth and safety
That I felt in your arms
The arms that are no longer mine
But still hold me close from time to time

I fade from reality as I wish to escape to a place
With no more pain

But I dont want to die
For I fear to be alone

I dont want to die knowing I always had to be on my own
Except for those short 2 years
With you.