That day when we first spoke,
your first words to me were
'Your fingers look cute'.
To which I replied
that I didn't think so,
that my fingers were too thick and my nails shapeless.
You said that they were
the most beautiful fingers
you'd ever seen
and
pink nail paint suited them.
That day,
I fell in love
with
my fingers, pink nail polish and you.

Every time we met, you made it a point to tell me that
my fingers were beautiful,
rubbing against them with yours and smiling that crooked smile of yours
when I blushed.

Each of our meetings, every step of our love story
was witnessed by that pink nail polish, as if to bear testimony to
our secret relationship.

That day when you confessed that there was someone else,
my fingers broke down before I could.
I asked you point blank
if
you'd been calling her fingers cute too. Your silence was chilling.

The pink nail paint bottle is empty, just like my life without you.

'Now, who's there to call us lovely?'
my fingers ask me.
I have no reply.

Sometimes I have no clue
Bout where my life is heading to
Sometimes everything seems plain obscure
And it just doesn't come to me to see what I need to
I'm so full of thoughts
But I can't find the right words
I am the picture of loneliness
Or so I think
I badly want to talk about it
But I don't tell all even to the closest one
What is it that is happening ?
Have my worst fears come true ?
Is it love that has come ?
Or is this some sort of wild despair ?
That's caught hold of me.

I only fear the day
When you see me the way I do...
Then will every single thing be put into place
And fit into its assigned space.
Your deductions may be right or wrong
But they'll sure hold some truth

I keep telling myself that it's not what I think it to be
I keep acting like a despo
That whole stupid side of me
That's meant to be hidden is all brought out into the open
For me and me alone to see and relish.

Oh ! It's too confusing
And, man, isn't it complicated too ?
Am I drunk or what ?
I feel both high and low

"Leave me alone thoughts !" I say
"Just ******* gimme a moment."
"And emotions, you all **** at timing !"
"You're possibly the meanest on Earth."

Every little thing, every little event
Every little laughter, every little gaze
Adds to the pain
Only effing adds to the already high pile of **** accumulated.

One minute I laugh, next minute I cry
You can't even fathom what's going on inside me
A hell lot of crap to be dealt with
I only hope it's not just me.

Is it or is it not ?
That's gotta be the eternal question
Who's eternal answer is the elixir of life
God be ******, I'm so confused rn.

Wish I could die and rot away
Like what the heck is this ?
Hell's better, underworld's calmer
Than my stormy heart.

There's nothing that could calm it
It's all a mess
One Big Mess - this is official.
I'm done with all this, done with the world
Done with everything forever.