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Pamela Jun 12
Day after day, I open my eyes to
A nightmarish reality
A thousand hands invade my dreams
The itching in my throat breaks into a full-on wail
The pit in my stomach growing deeper and deeper..
Writhing and twisting,
Breath struggling
I fall

The madness beckons me
Through the haze
I see your face
And it brings me closer to the pain I numbed out
Visions are floating
Of the flame I doused
Of thoughts and feelings so deeply entrenched
An invisible noose
pulls me tight
An invisible hangman
guides it right
The past floats before me like a spirit
Eluding me into a chamber of darkness

Wait, is that a sparkle?
A tiny flicker
in the far end?
Then I see the hand
Just a hand
A hand within reach
No face, just a hand
Nevertheless, a hand
A spark in my fog
Mist clearing away
A hand within reach
Pulling me before I sink
Into the bog of my yesteryears
A cottage in the deep woods
A hand within reach

And I wonder now, whose hand it was
An undivulged identity that eased my sobs

The present, time soon may bleach
As my mournful cries wane into a distant screech
But I’ll always reminisce, as my wounds leach
That willing hand, a hand within reach
Would you be 'the hand within reach' for somebody?
Pamela Jun 3
When I see you smile
When I see you laugh
I wanna cling to you
Like you're my pillar
Once upon a time
You meant something to me
There ain't no one
Who could be your filler

Oh, who put this distance
between us?
Overwhelmingly long
for me to cross
Oh, who chalked out this plan
for us?
Because I don't talk with you
Even if you're across

Oh, how do I comfort        
A heart that once loved you?
Oh, how do I explain?

Oh, how do I destroy
your memories?
When I wanna live them all again..

It's so hard to say
But it's only fair
To say that I loved you
Though I didn't make it bare
I knew you cared
Just not enough
To say no more, I dared
As I called your bluff

Oh, why did the good times
have to end?
Like dew that melts
At the touch of
the morning sun?
Oh, why am I slipping
down a gaping hole?
Wishing with all my might
that the past were undone...

Oh, how do I comfort
A heart that once loved you?
Oh, how do I ease the pain?

With a single word
And a single look
You set me on fire again..

So soon a friend
So soon a stranger
It all happened overnight..

You lit me up
Like a thousand lights
Now I'm dark but my tears are bright..
This poem is about a love that existed, but remained untold and in the end, just vanished, leaving pain in its midst.
Pamela May 14
My father doesn’t talk to me anymore.  
When I was two, I was his bundle of love. Every time he held me, you could tell that his eyes glowed with pride and affection.  
When I was seven, I ran to him crying. I told him there was a monster under my bed. And he told me, “Sweetie, monsters aren’t real.”
And when I was eleven, I knew he was lying. Because, he became the monster on my bed.
It started suddenly. The trips to my bedroom. The recurring hugs and kisses. The lying next to me. The caressing my hand. Then caressing everywhere.
And then the sudden mood swings. The looks. The alcohol.
Then the disrobing. Of me. The forced disrobing.
First, I resisted. Then, I gave in.
Later along the way, I gave up.
There were times when I tried to escape, but couldn’t. The ‘monster’ caught me when I tried to run. “No one runs away from home, sweetie” his dry voice still haunts me.
Every time I tried to talk about it, somehow the words stuck in my throat. ‘No one will believe you’ was what I told myself.  
Those cold fingers found their way about, just everywhere. Those colder eyes had seen everything to see.  
Then, the blow fell. I was destroyed. Wasted. Emotionally and physically. Now, the picture was complete.
“What did you even raise me for? For this?” was all I could manage before I fell into a deep slumber.
At times, I wondered. Just for a day, could I see? The dad I loved? The dad I believed in? At the least, a decent human being. And not the sick monster who preyed on me every night.
Then, one sunny morning the cops came. I’d finally done it.
“They took him away to a bad, bad place where bad, bad men live. You are safe now, sweetie” the officer told me.
The look on my father’s place was a mixture of regret and hate and disappointment. And curiously, relief.
My father doesn’t talk to me anymore.
Pamela May 14
I held you close, I felt your lips
I knew you so much, like I knew myself
I took in your eyes, I took in your warmth
I dissolved in a pool of your soft voice
I unlocked your being, I saw you unravel
Until you faded into the mist of nothingness
I had been dreaming again
Now I’m lonely and in pain…
Life stole you from me….
My soul shatters at your absence
Your memories wring me in and out
How do I ever unlove you
When I’d betrothed my heart, soul and existence to thee
Was I not worthy
Of  a single goodbye??....
My breath struggles as I try to suppress a scream
And then they flow, the tears and the madness
Like river currents
Unleashed by the pressing sadness within
You! You made me believe in love
Every inch of me longs for you to return
Oh please! Come back
I can live no longer
My breath’s struggling
And the end seems near
I’m lying abandoned, but there’s no ‘you’
No ‘you’ to steer me away from this grief
No farewells, no goodbyes
Just empty promises
You’re gone, and with you, gone is everything I ever had
I am still mourning
That you’re gone, without a goodbye…..
Pamela May 14
Curled up in your arms,
Looking into your eyes
And in them I see
A million reasons why
I fell in love with all of you
The moment I realized you were mine to hold
And mine to kiss
And mine to make love to
Only, how time passes!
And today, you’re still here
Not a passing dream
In love with you
More than I could imagine ever
I don’t want a candlelit romance
I don’t wanna dance under the stars
I don’t want a bed of red roses
With a sprinkle of rain upon my cheek
I just want you to hold me tight
And coat me with your kisses
Hold me close, let go never
Shackled to your eyes
Welded to your body
By the fever of excitement
That ripples across me when you come closer
This is enough, to last me for a very long time
Lying curled up in your arms
And looking into your eyes…
Pamela May 5
I can’t seem to get sleep today. I’m thinking about us.

Being friends with you has always felt different. As another friend of mine puts it ‘You look like you’re over the moon, around him.’ And it couldn’t be truer, I feel it too.

We are always together, during the break or while hanging out or wherever. I can’t seem to remember what my life felt like, before you happened.

I find myself looking for reasons to touch you. No, mister, that brush against your hand wasn’t unintentional. Don’t you ever believe that.

When it’s time to say goodbye, I see your eyes searching mine. I see your emotions clash, so do mine. And I see us wanting to do nothing about it.

I see us, in the distant future, old and wrinkled, carrying a baggage of regret.

Yesterday, I looked into the mirror and asked myself this question: ‘Are we mad?’ And I swear, I felt like a total sucker.  

And yes, we are mad. For finding something beautiful and not stopping by to appreciate it. For holding this incredible piece of treasure and trying to shove it all away. For feeling this lovely emotion and attempting to shun it.

Whatever you do, whatever you say, makes me want to laugh a little harder, love you a little deeper and trust you a lot more than I’ve ever done anybody.

That day you told me this ‘Love is nothing but wanting to be the best version of yourself for that special somebody.’ And that’s exactly what we are, to each other, our finest of the finest versions.

And yet we do not want to realize the truth, hanging between us like a ghost.

Are we so blind that we can’t recognize love even when it stares at us full in the eye?

Yes, sir, love finds you. But only if you’re willing to let it in.

So next time someone asks me if I have a thing for you, I will say ‘Yes, I do.’ Then I’ll sneak behind you and give you a big hug. I’ll hold your hand and tell you that you are not just a friend. That you are something more.
Best friends or something more???
Pamela May 4
Oh heart! Let go
It’s way too late
How long can I stay at the mercy of fate?
Oh heart! Let go
Else I may break
No more sorrow can this soul take
Oh heart! Let go
For I no more can bear
Tread lightly upon this adulation’s lair
Oh heart! Let go
Of those eyes that shackle
For all of me is in shambles
Oh heart! Let go
Of the searing hunger
That let you walk alone in love’s cloister
Oh heart! Let go
Of those vacant stares
For in the end, no one cares
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