And the shimmering silver threads
made webs,
strung between the pines that swayed
as the wind bent the grass,
sent the clouds sailing
through the sky.
The smoke and scent
of trees and sap alight
rose in the summer heat
to drift down at night,
leaving the heavens clear.
Stars appear
as grains of sand on the beach.
flickering, sparkling, falling.
Those nights
I wish I was next to you
to share this view
of the cosmos.

So I carved your name on a candle,
mine upon another.
Tied twine betwixt our wicks
and set us alight.
Watched as all contact, connection,
link, and bond
was destroyed.
And the noose around our necks
broke.
And every trace of us burned from mind and memory.
Back to ash and dust.

It seems inevitable
that I break my own heart again
and again.
Each time it comes
for long sad smiles,
and embaces
prolonged.
Yet time and the world
are the stronger
and we fall apart.
And every touch lingers
upon my skin in memory.
Leaving only ever gets harder,
and I yearn to be free.

Now there are all these things,
names,
sounds,
places,
ideas,
that I can't stand
because
they remind me of you.
They haunt me and throw me
into a pit of nostalgic
sadness, and fear
at the notion
you still slip through
the cracks I worked so hard
to seal.
Bringing back pain and anxiety
I thought I was done
having to feel.

Tonight, like every night,
and every day,
she is there
on my mind
all the time.
Her smile and her eyes
looking at me, and I
am the luckiest man
and I know that its true,
because my dreams of you
are inebriating, lucid, stirring,
perfection.

So Ill take my eighty proof medicine
shot after shot
until the pain inside stops,
until the memories all fade,
until my ears cease ringing
with the silence
of this empty room.
Until this heart halts.

And there are still these days
where every joyful thought
is snuffed out.
Where every attempt at happiness
is beaten back
diminishing to a small child
in the corner
of my mind.
Days where there is no light
and obsidian skies prevail,
I'll never break through.
My feeble hopes,
asphyxiated.
Where I let the abyss swallow me,
turning to drink,
craving the blade,
the needle and ink,
the breaking down
of this vessel
as I desperately grasp at feeling,
and im silently screaming.