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I was soul food for you
While you watched me starve
The suicide diaries
I never planted my roots with you
Because the ground was too firm
You had too many rocks

Besides
Oh light of my life
How was I meant to grow up
When I was surrounded by ground covers
c.        
r.      
e.     
e.    
p.  
i.  
n.
g.

all around me

How was I meant to bloom
in a garden
that you never cared to water?
I still loved you the most
I create a version of myself
Custom built
For every person that I meet
But for you
I was the only version
Not manufactured
That is why I don't call
That is why i don't write
My apologies.
.       let
                                  me in
  to
                                                your
        sacred spaces
                                       so
                                                         i can
    decorate
                            your
                                                  altar
           with
                                     lipstick
                                                        stains
     and
                                                   expired
                                  rose
                                         petals

             let me be your offering
.
.Loving you
Is a sinking ship
And as I bail water out
You pour bucket after bucket
Right back in
.

.It won't be long now till we're treading water.
.Sanctuary.
I offered it to you
And everyone
Anyone
When it was meant for me all along
.

Someone save me from my own understanding
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