Loneliness
I presumed
Is being friendless and alone
But now I realized
It is something more

Loneliness
Is laughing with friends
Yet still feeling numb

Loneliness
Is being surrounded with all the ones
You know who loves you
Yet still feeling so alone

Loneliness
Is getting that one thing you've always wanted
Yet at the end of the day you still feel empty

Loneliness
Does not come at 3AM
When everybody else
Is either asleep or dead

Loneliness sometimes
Surges at the brightest of your days
And pours down like rain

Some people die in Texas.
Some people die in Spain.
Some people die in their sleep.
Some people die in pain.

We were all in love with trauma.
We were all in love with the same
ideas we projected onto people
and disguised with their name.

I don't live in nine-eleven-land
and neither do my peers.
I've been monitored by other people's Gods
for twenty-two ******* years.
Coffee pots and cigarettes
stimulate my day
and keep the thoughts streaming,
that eventually fade away.

Some people die in Utah.
Some people die in Prague.
Some people never get married
or have the family dog.

We were all in love with status.
We were all in love with goals
that would make life poignant
and make ourselves whole.

I don't subscribe to the thought
that my thoughts necessarily matter.
If life is a horror movie,
then I'm the fake blood splatter.
Bible thumps and dead eyes,
are all part of my design,
and how I live and where I die
means to separate my mind.

.                                        Wherever (Synthesis)
                                                  t­wo years later...

"Don’t urge me to leave you.              "If I could, then I would
To turn back from you.                          I'll go wherever you will go
Wherever you go,                                   Way up high or down low
I will go,                                                   I'll go wherever you will go
And where you stay,                              Run away with my heart
I will stay.                                                 Run away with my hope
Your people will be                                Run away with my love
My people                                                I know now, just quite how
And your God                                         My life and love
my God.                                                   Might still go on
Where you die, I will die,                      In your heart, in your mind
There I will be buried."                          I'll stay with you for all of time"

(Book of Ruth 1:16)                                  (Charlene Soria Lyrics)


                                      Let it be writ,
                                      Let it be sung,
                                     All should know,
                                     This I swear,
                                     Where you are,
                                     So, I shall be too.
                                     Your hope, my hope.
                                     Your heart, my heart.
                                     Life and love,
                                     But one.

                                     Where you run,
                                     I shall follow.
                                     Now, today,
                                     Forever,
                                     If our bodies apart,
                                     If our hands cannot
                                    Grasp each other,
                                    Yet, still,
                                    In your heart,
                                    In your soul,
                                    I will be,
                                    I cannot leave.

                                   Where you are,
                                   So, I shall be too.

~~~~

Thank you all for loving this poem so much.  I have long thought of the symmetry between Ruth and the lyrics to the song "Wherever You Go,"
when ever I hear them on Pandora....last nite around Two Am, I decided to set them up side, by side and then to see what happened...and the merger, the synthesis was the obvious and only solution.

She was wild like skinny dipping at midnight, stars watching overhead and falling in love with moonlight. The way it lay upon her skin made the ocean envious of her depths within and sometimes between us. She was my sister, not in blood but in orbit. A Venus to my Earth, forged from the same collapsing star and if the universe was in fact to be infinite then this moment would happen again, and again, and again an immeasurable number of times. I found comfort in this thought, knowing though our existence was meaningless, it was still full of feeling, and this feeling, right now, it insisted on existing forever.

Come here child
Don't be afraid
I won't hurt you
I just take the pain
You've tried for so long
To forgive and forget
Its just too much at once

In your little head
The voices they creep
The tics they ridicule
The images inside
Your amazing twisting mind
All you ever say "why are you being so mean!? This who I am this is me"

I'm here now so come with me
We will take a walk in the summers breeze
You won't cry not anymore
You won't hide behind closed doors
Its all alright
Can't you see?
Its better this way
You're safe with me

"Looking at the reapers face
Knowing full well of his evil ways
I take his hand
He leads me down
Down down down
Deeper in the ground
As I see the last of the light
I picture the love of my life
I whisper into the dark night
I'm sorry, I'm sorry for being me"

I can't do it
Not on my own
He said he's helping
Helping me cope
I won't have to worry
I won't always cry
I won't remember the pain inside
I won't see your face
In the dead of night
Its just an illusion
A trick in my mind
I won't hear your voice
I won't miss your lips
I won't miss the way you held my hand

Come here child
Don't be afraid
I won't hurt you
I just take the pain
You've tried for so long
To forgive and forget
Now it's all over
Trust me my friend

spilling out of my eyes
rolling down my cheeks
these thoughts and feelings
drowning me in my own pain
the words i said to you
killing me, stabbing me
wondering where i went wrong
when it all fell apart
what can i do