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3.4k · Jul 2018
I Need A Hug!
Nexus Jul 2018
*******! I'm a ******, got no grit and finds life hard.
Got ***** whipped and now I can't get hard. Gonna sing myself to sleep and dream of discharge.
Walk a mile, fake a smile, i'm stuck as a child.
Fighting my mind, desperately trying not to be evil.
People dying, I see them. A voice, it tells me to eat them.
I know your insides I can practically feel them,
Every bone, every muscle and tendon.
Skinless people feel they need to follow me around,
I try to run but they catch up and pin me to the ground.
Pry my mouth wide, put your tongue inside and suddenly there's no sound.
A white noise fills my mind and a darkness washes over my eyes.
I'm skinless too, I can join those who used to follow me, through the red I see blonde.
Lips i need to kiss, a skinless body I need to hold.
-Bradley M Hodgson
2.8k · Jul 2018
Nexus Jul 2018
If I walk, no one will see it.
If I talk, no one will hear it.

In this world, my soul is disappearing.
Here comes a voice, it whispers so clearly.

"My dear boy, this life is not for me. Please take the knife and end your life swiftly. I've been trapped in your body since fifteen. Please let me out, your death will release me. Please do not cry your tears are ****".

I'm getting ***** somehow, thoughts of my corpse.
This is getting unsettling, but I like being aroused.
1.7k · Jul 2018
Nexus Jul 2018
Isn't it funny how his blood smells like his blade.
It must be the metal, quantum level the same.
Every possibility in time lead to this line.
A faceless man writing this rhyme.
In a world so messed up he thinks it's his fault.
Turning to drugs, he lost all his hope.
And now sits alone worrying how to cope.
Can't stop smoking dope.
He never visioned he'd be happy,
And it shows.
1.3k · Jul 2018
Killed on Birth.
Nexus Jul 2018
These days are so hard to get through now,
Knowing what was before makes it worse somehow.
I tried my very best but still let you down,
My soul is now worth less; Now that i'm alone.

My heart it breaks, I see your face in every dream I have.
A mind it makes everything we go through feel so bad.

Bad is my middle name, Mark for short.
Mark is a Dad, here no more.
Not accident or tragedy could take him from me.
He one day decided he deserved to be free from me.

Free was my life, bestowed upon thee.
Free from this life I wish I could be.

I don't want to off myself, that's not right.
I don't look after my health, a slow suicide.
Death in a hospital bed.
My breaths begin to shallow, vision getting narrow.
My heart is beating weaker, machines beeping faster.
My blood's getting cold.
I've wanted to die my whole life,
Not now that i'm old.
467 · Jul 2018
Nexus Jul 2018
You see I think I might be dying because i'm feeling mighty fine.
Ever since you took me by surprise god knows that i've been trying, to get back all of our time that I wasted away crying and maybe someday i'll get back to feeling mighty fine.
Someday you will call me yours and i'll call you mine.
I promised to you that i'd make all of this right. Iv'e been begging down on my knees, now it's time to fight. This feeling it's so nice.
In love with you I think I might be, for you i'm up all night praying please. Pray I might get better and you'll still be there for me.
We lay together. Swear to take no other and lay ourselves bear to be seen. For you my love I master my stutter, control my shudders and my mind shall be clean. It's for you my love that I write these words. I'm no longer than man I used to be.
I feel mighty fine.
194 · Jul 2018
Triangle of Life.
Nexus Jul 2018
I committed suicide before I even started life.
I plan to over time, let my health decline.
And by the time, i'm twenty five,
I'll be ready to die.

Even if I change my mind.
It'll be too late to look behind.
I close my eyes, let out one last sigh.
And I say thanks to myself,
I can finally die.
187 · Jul 2018
Nexus Jul 2018
She said she'd take his hand.
He said he's not a man.
She said she understands.
He took here by the hand.
We flew to another land.
We built a house upon the sand.

We can be happy and start again.

She said she feels just fine.
He knows just why she lies.
She knows just how to hide.
He said it's okay to cry.
We're gonna take that flight.
Leave for another life.
Take my hand it will all be alright.

We can be happy and start again.
Love finds a way.
156 · Jan 2019
Nexus Jan 2019
I'm addicted to this medicine, quetiapine and cynicism.
My doctor told me i'll never sleep again.
I might as well be taking ******, I made my bed again.
You see i've got this disease but these pill will make me real again. Paranoia with no cease to end. Anxiety around your friends. An emotion that others pretend to comprehend. It's on this drug I must depend my doctor said. For that plant you smoke ruins your brain, i'm sure that it was dope that drove you insane.
And I say to what end. He laughs then shows me my graph and points out a trend. You did this to yourself, a destructive state of health, now take this pill and get some rest. Tomorrow's a big day for you'll meet you true self.
143 · Jul 2018
The Last Lap.
Nexus Jul 2018
We all evolved to fit a nićhe,
Nature chose what we believe.
All we know is all we see,
Our brains have made it true to be.
Our brain it figured out itself,
Gaining knowledge by ourselves.
It trains the body to the brink of health,
And now we are in a time of unrest.
Our brain went too far,
And caused it's premature death.
35 · Jan 30
Nexus Jan 30
I smoked a lot of grams,
Took a couple Xans, now balling.
I try to lift my hands,
I really gotta dance but I’m falling.

Don’t believe that they understand you,
That’s self preservation and manipulation.
They don’t respect nor do they value,
That’s self medication and isolation.

Do we have a connection? Whether genetic or objective?
Would you stand by your ugliest demons and face them?
Is being lonely really the reason you’re upset?
Or is it the fact you’ll never be quite like them?
Are you filled with envy? As it builds in contempt.
You’ll always be nobody. Get that through your head.
33 · Jan 30
Nexus Jan 30
Everyday I feel I’m going to die, and that’s ok cuz I’ve come to terms, I never really had much of a life and that ok I’m on my ones.
I think about the end before I start and that’s ok I’m just making sure,
I can’t explain what’s in my head and that ok cuz no one listens.
You’ll realise who I was and who I hide,
You’ll ask yourself did I have to die and that’s ok it’s written in my eyes.
They aint no helping nor saving me,
Sit back and watch me smile and that ok cuz I’m ready to die.
31 · Jan 30
Nexus Jan 30
This pain in my heart this pain in my chest. It doesn’t compare to pain of regret. I knew what was right and acted so wrong. I had you in my life and you said so long.
Will time make this better, how long will it take?
Do you think about me too? All I see is your face.
I know I’m not the man to take you by the hand and give you your deserved fate.  
But I will give you all I am in hopes to meet your match as you have done the same.
Alone together we are all that matters. Now we’re apart I strain to remember those better times when I called you a lover.
30 · Jan 30
Nexus Jan 30
If you held my hand
If you felt my skin
Would you understand
Could you let me in

I never know when I’m down
You can smell my brain
Those people living underground
They still feel the pain
That’s why I cry with no sound
My tears would be in vain.

I capture my emotion
And pocket it for later

My pockets are close to bursting
Please take me somewhere safer

My irrelevance is relevant
My patience sedimentary
My soul now benevolent
My heart beats solidarity

I use caution in portions and divide it to share
This feeling of nausea is too to much to bare
We are emotional soldiers and a war we declare
Connecting with our brothers breathe your pain in the air.
28 · Jan 30
Nexus Jan 30
I say I love drugs I’m on the Isle of drugs, can’t complain no fuss, I’m in heaven I  suss, I sit back no rush, I’m chill, I’m flush. I’m feeling I’m bust.

We all love lies we’ll spin the wheel of lies. Let’s see what’s surprise is waiting inside. How the truth can divide what were feeling in mind.
I’d you pay no mind then the secrets they hide, but you have to keep in mind that life is never kind.  

Your words paint a picture and now that picture is stuck.
In my head thoughts of future when I’m **** out of luck.

Locked in quarantine
I take a few quetiapine
Hoping I can sleep
Praying I don’t dream.

If it comes to be I’ll go to hell.
Because I’m a ******who’s S.O.L.
Life was good, it was going well.
Until I took them drugs and numbed myself.
28 · Jan 30
Let me help.
Nexus Jan 30
Cutting and ******* my skin I feel it digging itself in, that thought of being incomplete and not quite me, not myself, who can help? Not family nor friends can.
look at them watch as it’s too late.

Hahaha no one wanting me to tempt fate but listen up I’ve got something to say. This is my life not yours if I want to end it then let be. Control you can’t, another soul to be flaunted, I’m yours kid, summon and compel, fought I did, letting you become hells kin, this isn’t right, not what was written. Please my son calm down we can talk about this.
Not knowing that son was already mentally contorted, being ripped and torn like so many souls aborted, not meant to be but you clawed with an inch of your life your sorted, made it through kid. Welcome to hell and the life you afforded. Look around boy this is your bed, you made it, lay in it, no talk back.

What wrong? Not what you thought? Maybe you was expecting more? But sorry Bradley this is what consists.. here, take your sceptre  and March to the pits.
There’s work to do and your just the kid he’s been looking for, you never question or need to know more.. you get it don’t you Bradley?
Not everyone on this world is worth you.
Maybe your worth more and one day you’ll come through.
26 · Jan 30
Lest you know.
Nexus Jan 30
Walking eternal in the shadows of grace
Digging through photos to remember her face
You run for your life yet you stay in one place
We try to escape our purposeless fate
We left it too late, our demons have strayed
They jump out of our heart and into our head
They’re planning on staying they’re making theirs beds
They pull at my strings and push on my threads
Pressing these buttons till I’m seeing red
I called my therapist they called the Feds
I try to smile but a frown comes instead
I hide my eyes from the tear I have bled
I dreamed I lived but it was all in my head
You say it’s just worry and I say it is dread
You say it’s just quitting and I say it’s dead
Please don’t come closer this’ll end in regret
Like a rat when it’s cornered I’m gonna lash out
Like a fat man at Christmas I’m gonna pig out
I pray you’re not bothered when my secret comes out
I hope my true self won’t leave you in doubt

— The End —