Nexus

Nexus Apr 2022

Lonesome

Do you still hold faith that you'll find love in your days?
Just a little taste and life wont be a waste.
To love another face, to visit that special place.
I could never complain or regret our time in space.. wait.
What is this place?
Symbolized fate wrapping my neck like a noose,
my grip on reality is slowly slipping loose... So...
I contemplate my everyday
knowing no one knows my true name.

Nexus Apr 2022

Not Welcome

I feel so alone like I'm trapped in my home.
and these thoughts in my head tell me I ought a be dead.
I ******* **** at this ****.
"No you don't you're just tired."
"Everyone loves you, cant you see you're admired?"

But I don't believe what I conceive in my dreams.
So you must be a liar.
This isn't how things in this life should have been.
My soul is on fire.
This isn't how things in this life could have been.
My soul is on fire.
But I don't believe what I perceive in front of me.

Sands of time made from liquid-solid-matter.
People flowing like atoms recycling motions.
I know in my mind that things don't really matter.
Climbing the planet and mapping the oceans.
I would loose my mind if my brain got any fatter.
People flowing like atoms recycling motions.

Struggling to be social.

#isolation #antisocial #anxious #anxiety #pressure #scared

Nexus Apr 2022

Addict.

I wake up wet and cold at 4AM
So I look in my ashtray for the biggest joint end.
I smoke what's left and lay back for two secs...
Next I check the grinder for any remaining specks.
I bang out all that I can and roll a splith with trembling hands.

As smoke enters my lungs, a tear fills my eye.
Exhaling all hope I begin cry.

I do this to myself with no happiness in life.
I can't control myself this has become my life.
I often ask myself what I want from life.
And find myself wishing that I wasn't alive.

Drug addiction affect everyone differently.

#help #quit #drugs #addict #addiction #unhappy

Nexus Apr 2022

Self Righteous

Think of the light when dark comes to bite.
In fact it's in spite that I'd take my own life.

Not to sound naïve but I feel that I'm supreme.
And If only I could be the man I am in my dreams.
I'd finally be free of these thoughts that're killing me.
I am my fathers seed but my fruit is that of a another tree.
I am a different breed, a totally separate species.
Living to see the death of humanity.

Eclipse of the mind.
The patterns in time.
The moon and the tide.
My alien third eye.
All these useless words make me feels special.
If I repeat them enough, I'll not become the devil.

He speaks to me so clearly.
He said he loves me dearly.

I'm nearly there.

Always felt different, maybe I'm a narcissist.

#strange

Nexus Apr 2022

Naturally.

It's so sad to me.
Glorious and victorious.
This sad fantasy.
I can't relate to these souls.
Maybe I should go live with the wolves.

It's nature you see
The reason I breath.
The sun through the clouds.
The wind through the leaves.

It's nature you see.
We all start from a seed.
That's the way that it is.
The way it must be.

Green is the forest.
Blue is the sea.
Red is the hatred for that which is me.
Grey is our two world wars and
Black is number three.

Something about nature.

#world #nature #human #war #alive #colours

Nexus Apr 2022

Sorry

Apologizing emphatically for the conditions I put you in,
Fearing the possibility of us no longer caring.
You deserve more than I gave and back what I took,
I was busy thinking of myself to step back and look.

Do you see me in your dreams because you're the center of all mine.
Is it too late to say sorry and get these thoughts off my mind?

A chance to apologize

Nexus Apr 2022

It's Progress

Going to work just isn't working,
Coming home all alone,
and still feel like nothing.
You get to sit on your throne made from the flushings,
again all alone in the smoke and the ashes.
You thought you could do this alone but you're struggling to stop it.
Are you pained by the pain you caused, is it constantly throbbing?
Thoughts that just can't be ignored cause your head to spin violent.

Taking each day as it comes.

#trynewthings #challenge #working #prog