Claiming you love me;
Yet you insult, yell
And emotionally abuse me.
If that's what love is,
Then I want none of it.

I have this book
I write down all my thoughts
Unfinished or not
They finish me
The parts of my heart
My life together
Paper is my life
It connects me to other poets
And other writers
And other artists
Of every different kind.

I try to hard for happiness in others, and in me.
I try to hard to rid the pain in others, and in me.

I try to hard to make others laugh at me.
I try to hard to make others look at me.

I try to hard to make others like me.
I try to hard to portray an image that's not me.

I try to hard to disconnect the me,
I became.
I try to hard to find the me,
I once was.

I try to hard for happiness in me, and in others.
I try to hard to rid the pain in me, and in others.

*I guess I'm not trying hard enough

do not tell me to stop feeling
when it is what makes up my entire being
do not tell me to stop loving
when it is the only form of my healing

I don't want to feel this way but everything is darker dark darker
And everything you say to me shatters my heart and soul
And everything you don't hurts even worse

You swear your glass to be half empty.
When I contradict, you refute.
So I'll poor my half into yours
And end this dispute.

I'm trapped in here,
I can't get out
"Somebody help me!
Please help me," I shout.

I'm bound by the hands,
With steel crushing my heart
I can barely stand
So I just fall apart

I'm giving up hope
Of living happily after,
Of a life spent with her
And all of our laughter.

I gave away my heart
Now my heart won't come back.
Was I doomed from the start?
Or is it faith that I lack?

I'm bound up in chains
Chained up like monster
Still filled with pain
Over the fact that I lost her.

How is it possible for me to move on?
Moving on with out any hope.
Hope died like memories fade, sinking into the dawn.
A new Dawn binding my feet like rope.

Still I am told I must pick myself up,
For who else is there to lend me a hand
Or to hand me a way to improve my "luck",
Though, luck's never made a man stand.

I thought all this time that "us" was a blessing,
The blessing that kept us together.
Instead, now I'm left constantly guessing.
Guessing what kept us from forever.

Now I'm trapped in a nightmare where nothing has changed
Save for the change of a loved one lost,
I'm lost in a world from which I feel so estranged,
Estranged from love, a lost-love's cost.

I cannot escape from this terrible dream,
Dreaming of days long gone.
Gone, I have gone and died it would seem.
Seemingly nothing can make me strong.

11/21/13

Turn your eyes from the devil
And turn your eyes toward me.
Listen- don’t simply hear.
You can’t look- you have to see.

Life is far too short
And Life is far too long
You are a concerto, my dear-
Not merely a song.

Make note of the cymbals
And make note of the key
Close your eyes to embrace the nature
Of sweet, deep sensuality.

Those hands don’t fumble
And those hands don’t tread
On the path of harmony
Which humanity is led.

Through waves of emotion
And through waves of grace
Those hands wade deep in the waters
Where your true Beauty is laced.