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jordan Oct 2014
I don't like myself.
I'm not up to par.
I'm just a speck in the galaxy,
While everyone else is a star.
I don't see myself in ten years, 
I don't see myself in three.
I am nothing to remember,
For I am just me.
I don't want to be myself.
I want to be sane,
But I know that will never happen,
I'll always remain the same.
I confuse myself, 
Because I don't want to change. 

I don't like myself,
but I'll always be me.
I have to accept it,
For me to finally see.
I was put here for a reason,
and a reason will come my way.
I may not be "living",
But I'm surviving every day. 

I may not like myself,
But I'll be there through thick and thin. 
Soon, one day, I'll pass away,
and see I was my best friend.
Note: This was for a school assignment in which we had to describe ourselves. It's one of my earliest poems.
jordan Oct 2014
My dream was killed by my secret told.

My date was set.
I had my plan.
I made the mistake by telling a friend. 
She told the school.
I was sent away,
to a place with judges and people like me. 
We were caged birds chirping to be free.
And when I was there, I found my new dream.

I achieved it by behaving "normal",
Whatever that may be.
I achieved it by taking the poison, 
Prescribed specifically to me.
I achieved it by looking forward, 
and never again of the past.
Three to five days of being a slave,
I was finally home at last.

I now hope to find a new dream,
and I dream to find my hope.
But seeing the mountain in front of me-
The one named recovery,
I often question my mentality. 
There is a smooth road of relapse that taunts me,
with words like sugar that haunt me.
It dares me to walk, but I know I should climb.
The road wants to **** me, but the mountain promises my life.

I'm following the trail of the mountain, 
but I often slip on the blood.
With the words of friends and supporters, 
I once again stand up.
There's a steep incline,
but it's worth the time.
In the deepest valley,
I know I will rise.
I'm a wingless bird chirping to be free. 
Happiness is locked, waiting for the key.
I search in my pocket,
for the object to unlock it.
I then realize the only one who could free me-
is me.

And just like that, I found my new dream.
This was written for an school assignment. Many of my classmates wrote about being famous or getting married and having a family... I, of course, was scared to read it aloud, for it deals with my problems.  The teacher made me read it anyway and my anxiety levels went through the roof.

On that day, I made a teacher cry.
On that day, my classmates looked at me differently. The room was silent- aside from Ms.Roberson's sniffling. I was only fifteen, and yet I have gone through so much.

My hopes and dreams are to live. I no longer hear the words of the road, only the mountain.

I will live.
jordan Sep 2014
I love sleeping, but I love you more.


And to think I wonder why I always have dark circles under my eyes- the same eyes that are always staring at your last words to me.
This is dedicated to the one who wishes someone would stay up all night with him.
  Aug 2014 jordan
Ann M Johnson
The toughest scars to heal are concealed on the inside
  Aug 2014 jordan
Lies Cut Short
I like the way
Your breath feels
On my neck

I wish that I
Could feel it
Again
  Aug 2014 jordan
s
i was staring
at the mirror
but see no
reflection.

i tried searching
for it as if
it was some
lost kid.

then i realized
its no mirror,
its your eyes
who cannot
see me
because for you,

i dont exist.
this is weird. I just tried putting my thoughts together so im sorry :(

— The End —