Raging, roiling, boiling sea,
filling every last crevice
inside of me

Washing away my last
gasps of breath,
leaving me winded
and ready for death.

I've swum for so long,
and yet not long enough;
It's not right to give up now
but these waves are getting rough.

I'm getting the hang of
letting myself sink
a bit





Just enough for the cold
to ache in my bones
And every time it rains
My skeleton cries and drones.

The depths are so much
calmer than the rage above,
All I see from here
are faint ghosts that push and shove

I
want to inhale the cold,
but the cold will smother me,
and I'll never grow old.

This all hurts, every wave
and every splash
The rushing current
to pull me under in a flash

I'm just trying to swim,
listen to the silly blue fish,
keep going, don't stop,
You can have anything you wish!

I'm just tired. Is that even allowed?
We say it's okay, but our actions
speak the ugly truth.
There's just no satisfaction.

Everyone around me is tired, too.
Is it fair to stop swimming,
and let them go on in peace?
There's another race I'm never winning.

I don't need a life preserver,
nothing is wrong, because
others around me are drowning, too.
Life simply doesn't take a pause.

This all hurts, I can't breathe,
I don't like what's inside of me
The water I've breathed
boiling and roiling and ready for tea

Leaking through organs
and soaking in my veins
My head is swimming,
and surely that sounds insane.

Must be lack of oxygen flow,
'cause I'm still sinking
Bubbles slipping from my lips
I blow and up they go

Sinking, thinking, dreaming sea
lay to rest what's inside of me,
and in your darkness, I will sleep.

How do I
make the stars fly
so I may wish forever
That peace be easier
like simply drifting
down the river
Drift
until
the water
deepens
and you start
to sink
You can watch the bubbles
dancing with the stars
A smile frozen in time.

I have a hard time
describing
what my childhood memories
feel like.

I think most my age
still recall their childhood
pretty clearly,
like photographs of various quality.

I feel as though
my memory cracks a little
every time my settings
are changed.

The first crack was graduation,
the flurry and fear of
finally
leaving home.

College became
a hazy blur;
it stings to look at it
directly.

Everything falls short,
I move again,
another crack forms
and I feel the pain.

Memories here
are strange and bittersweet;
The fog here is thick,
and I know I don't want to see.

In the present,
I just try to breathe;
but I feel so detached
from my memories.

Everything feels
so far away,
mirages in a shifting desert;
golden sea swirling with storms.

Thunder covers the
sound of me whimpering into my pillow.
The earth is crying too.

Fingers up,
grasping at bubbles;

Why do I always
fight for air?

I'm beginning to wonder
if I lost that magic touch;

These words used to come so easily,
to frame my dreams and nightmares

The paper used to beckon,
gleam like a beacon

While I was lost at sea, the words
would be the rope to pull me free

They gave me just a little bit of clarity,
until they faded away.

I reach and grasp,
maybe catch loose threads,

But it's never strong enough
to pull me to safety.

I miss the magic of words,
of creating invisible images.

It's just starting to feel like
my magic has faded.

There's this constant feeling
of relentlessly being dragged
through any number of things;

cold snow chokes my airways,

cold water fills my lungs

dirt dances on top of my eyes

and mud leaves its messy mark.

I can't cut loose, this attachment
is just life;
Time pulls and tugs and does not care
if you wish to stop here or there.

The untameable beast, taking bites
from our bodies
Pulls me forward and through
raging seas
It doesn't try to drown me,
just expects me survive
Even as I choke and gasp,
even as I beg and cry.

I wish to rest, just give me a breath–
the passage of time
will pass me by

Meanwhile,
where am I?