I want to be a leaf.
A tiny leaf atop a tall tree,
where darkness holds no sway,
where the stars shine during long nights,
where the sun can warm me on tough days.

I want to watch as foxes run,
to hear the wolves howl at the moon,
to feel the wind and rain on me,
to be one with nature.

I want to live the life of a leaf
without suffering and pain,
to be at peace and feel safe
when I bloom and when I fall.

I never thought to tell.

I swallowed each heavy feeling
Like a chore
With the hope of making the weight
More convenient
And each gobbet of memory sank and churned
In the pit of my stomach.

These pond stones
Which hiccuped in the gullet
Vanished from sight,
Yet they did not pass.

The weight did not pass.

They say “I love you,”
They say “I care,”
“I’ll never leave you
I promise, I swear.”
But time passes
And promises fade,
The love is lost
You’ve been betrayed,
They left, they’re gone
Just memories remain
Playing on repeat,
Can’t ease this pain.
Fell for the soulless,
The one with no heart,
The devil was once an angel
And heaven and hell aren’t far apart.

I'm scared of commitment,
I fear the feeling of resentment,
I'm scared of the tone in your sentence,
I'm scared of falling too deep,
And your heart cutting me until I bleed,
I'm scared of you covering the heart on my sleeve,
Using my seed as a weapon against me,
I'm scared of believing that my insecurities,
Are the reason for you leaving me,
I'm scared of my love not being enough,
Until you no longer see you and me as us,
And that feeling is tough,
I'm scared of not being able to feel your touch,
While you leave with more to gain,
That's pain I can't explain,
That's too much for the brain,
I fear experiencing the same,
I’ve led others along,
Wrote them fairy tale love songs,
Told them that together we would be strong,
I apologise I know I was wrong.

i woke up this morning and felt nothing
my anxiety was gone
my sadness was gone
my pain was gone
my happiness was gone
my excitement was gone
my joy was gone

i went about my day
just a typical day
smiled, laughed, worked, came home
my boyfriend asked how i was
same answer as usual; fine

my eyes tired
my mind numb
no energy for emotion
no explanation or reason

so I will go to bed
and feel nothing