I was going to leave you
But then I still gave you a chance
I still wanted to be with you
I just don't know if the thing you lack will enhance

I don't even know what you lack
Maybe it's just me
I just don't think you're going to be back
Maybe I'm too impatient because you didn't have enough time for me

I don't know
Am I going to leave you?
Talk to me so I'll know
I don't have a clue

...

Ahh, finally a word
A simple "hello" makes all doubts disappear
Now I can afford
To sleep in peace because of you, dear

You make me feel alive
You make me feel lonely
You give me hope to strive
You are my one and only

Even the dirt here is sterile
Dry
No matter how much you sin,
This building is tainted with the white-hot holy of
Institution

I don't wash my hair for 7 days

If I hold my breath long enough
I can imagine my plastic bed is a
Brown couch
It smells sour

In this grungy living room sit
12 disciples in a circle
Their ***** fingernails clink
And their hazy breath makes me
Dizzy with delight

Some nights I can't quite float above these
crisp white sheets

I tell my friends I've been writing more and
They believe me
     Why wouldn't they?

Winter is coming

The rain reminds me I am still alive
It laps at my feet

Shallow.

How do you react
But with utter sadness
And sorrow when
You're given a time frame?

When there's a time stamp
On your life as you know it,
How do you act around
Your family and friends?

Do you spend the six weeks
That you've got left,
Moping and sulking,
Or making the most of every moment?

It's hard to focus on success
When you know the ultimate reality
That you're being faced with,
And quite frankly, it *****.

Your life went from whatever
Normal may be for you,
To living every moment
On a severely impairing time crunch.

Six weeks, seven at best,
But regardless, it's not enough time.
You need time to cope,
Time to heal mentally.

You need time,
But that's the one thing you don't have.

I can't sleep,
With thoughts of you clouding my mind,
And this is an unusual feeling,
One I'm unfamiliar with.

I'm used to thinking of one I love,
And the thought brings me a smile,
A calm heart and a calm mind,
One that puts me right to sleep.

But right now at this moment,
Just keeping my eyes closed is difficult,
Because you are painted on the backs of my eyelids,
And I know I can't be with you right now.

You, in all your beauty, are too much for me,
I cannot see you without feeling you,
And this is an unusual feeling,
Because it hurts my heart.

On a common night,
Your smile would put my soul at peace,
And set my body at rest,
But tonight is uncommonly longer.

Keeping my eyes open makes me all the more aware,
Of all this time passing me by,
And me alone,
Because you are not with me.

I am all too aware of the extra space on my bed,
I am all too aware of the emptiness beneath my hands,
And this is an unusual feeling,
Because love for you usually compensates.

But it seems that right now,
Mere thoughts simply won't do,
I need you here with me,
In all your physical presence.

I cannot sleep without you to hold tightly,
And I cannot stand to close my fingers around nothing,
I cannot stand to reach forward and only feel blankets,
Until my arm is reaching into thin air.

Now only your presence will let me rest,
I need to feel your soft skin at my fingertips,
And your lips brush right up to mine,
The curve of your waist under one hand.

And this is an unusual feeling,
Because I am not usually one to commit,
But I can confidently say I want to marry you,
And that I want to spend every day I have left,

          With you.