im not scared you
anymore
i can be okay
again

I carry a mask in my purse
for special occasions.
Turns out
wherever there’s people
there:
occasion

it all just felt like summer.
not summer when you're older but summer when you're a kid.
for me it was running after the ice cream truck,
playing soccer in the park and when i'd get too hot, i'd pour water on the back of my neck.
it's eating strawberries while watching cartoons with my siblings,
waking up early to go to garage sales with my grandmother.
it's all of these things into one big, great feeling.
it's a ball of of light inside that never stops growing.
these things,
these memories,
i hold onto them so tight,
stiching them to my heart as a guarantee that they'll never go away.
loving you feels like this.
but you surpass all of these things that i hold close.
quicker than a heartbeat,
i'd exchange all of these if it meant that we could stay here,
with each other.
loving you feels like summer.
not summer when you're older but summer when you're a kid.

That feeling
Before the first sob escapes:

Body shakes
trembles
the lump in the throat
the suffocation
the complete
and utter despair
face scrunches
eyes ******* shut
the muffled noise
like everything around you disappears
And all you are left with is the sadness and bitter thought that you have no one
and you seem to never
l
e
   t
it
g
  o

i am trying
my hardest