It took me seven years
to realise
the words in my mind
were too deep for
my mouth to dig up
I thought it was easier
to open my skin
and let the truth
pour down my arms

It took me seven years
to realise
nobody should be allowed
to touch parts
of your home
or hold pieces  
of your heart
that you don't yet understand

It took me seven years
to realise
I will wear these scars
forever
I'll carry them
through every smile
every kiss
every concerned gaze
I'll carry them
to my grave

It took me seven years
to realise
the pain carved
into the walls
of my castle
etchings of
attempting to disappear
are not a story of weakness
but a tale of
how I survived

You use to sneer at me,
As if you were better than me,
You use to look down at me through soft lashes,
You smoked so you could slowly choke me with ashes,
You would say "Without ME you are NOTHING",

Well I might not be much, but I AM something,
I will not stand in your shadow, I'll cast my own,
I won't let your self loathing deliver me into an early grave stone,

Although I must admit I crave the feeling of your flesh upon mine,
I want to slide your taste over my lips like fine wine,
Im slightly disgusted by this need to satisfy this primal hunger inside  me,
My body betrays me while an unnatural lust brings me to my knees,
The only good thing about you was your ability to ******,
Only through carnal cravings could we call a truce,

You thought that if you could make my body feel good I would need you,
You would tell me that the only thing I was good at was laying beneath you,
You tried to dig me up so that I couldn't bloom where I was planted,
You thought those fevered desperate kisses would keep me enchanted,

I left because I got tired of your lust games,
we don't share anymore perverted love claims,
When I think of you now I snicker, too no one in particular,
I liked how you were twisted and ******,

But thats all I liked about you,
Its funny how I was so drawn but also so repulsed by you,
I guess that means that I'm a little sick too,
I don't regret it though, cause then I'd have to admit that a part of me cared,
Try not to mourn the wicked temptations that we shared,

I'm fine on my own, are you;

I’m trapped in a room where the door is open but I can’t get out,

I’m screaming my head off but no one can hear me shout,

I’m struggling to breathe but there’s plenty of oxygen,

I crave an escape from this concrete metropolitan,

Blinded by this plastic smile they can’t see I’m stuck in my own personal hell,

I’m walking around frantically trying to get someone to notice that I’m an empty shell,

Tragically, I’m physically heathy with food to eat and a family yet I can’t seem to stop thinking about ending myself,

What’s wrong me, that I can’t be happy when I literally have nothing to be sad about?

But that’s the thing the numbness, you can’t stop it, it doesn’t discriminate,

It doesn’t care whether your a man, a women, a criminal, or a saint,

It just wants to fill you up till you can’t get out of bed,

It makes you a prisoner inside your own head,

Who could I tell? How would I explain it so someone could understand when I don’t even understand,

When I’ve succumbed to the madness who will lend me their hand ?

So I don’t tell anyone & suffer in silence, when the thoughts start creeping up again,

I smother them in cigarette smoke wishing I had prescription for Xanax or Vicodin.

I hung my feet off the balcony and wondered what it was like to fly,
I wore my heart on my sleeve and wondered what it's like to die,
Baby I'm suicidal and you don't love me,
That's a dangerous mix but who can judge me, 
I'm insane and I'm in love,
I'm trying but it's not enough,
When I look off the edge I'm so tempted to jump,
Cause I'm tired of lying I'm tired of this front,

My knees are always shaking now,
Feels like I'm always falling down,
Am I dying ? No I'm living,
Life is pain, it's unforgiving,
And God I just want to give up,
And God  I've just had enough,
And God this is just to much,
And God that was the last punch,
I've got no more fight left in me,
Just enough self hate to **** me,

And I'm singing please don't help me now,
Not when I'm so close to going down,
Please don't help me now,
I'd rather go down,
Please don't help me now ,
I'd rather go down, oh I'm singing please don't help me now ,
Not when I'm so close to going down

I'm fading fast,
I'm wasting away,
My love will last,
But I can't stay,

So please don’t help me now, not when I’m so close to going down