The moon shines a cool blue tonight
as we entwine our fingers, laying on the baseball field
beneath diamond heavens. We lie
in silence, in the moments when the Universe reveals
itself, and contemplate the distances between one celestial body to
another, the space between
us growing as I turn south
to find Orion while you seek Cassiopeia in the north.

Shooting stars cross the sky, and we wish separately on dead
stars and dead dreams, lights already grown red and extinguished
as we whisper in the dark, passing
between phases.

And in the end we're all left searching.

Oh what you all must think of me now
When my heart sinks and my lips part to form a scream Though I know
No noise comes out

With all my mistakes
I often lust for leaving
Long for drowning
To wash away the permanent headache
Sending waves of humiliation
Through my entire frame

I often replay every wrong word I said
Second guess my second guesses

Try to retract my misplaced reactions
Settle scores I've carved against my own skin
Determined to paint over this portrait
This ugly depiction

I feel so low that I dream of dying
Just to erase the slate that haunts me
I hate this familiar basement of friendship, where your words are twisted and your intentions misrepresented. Everyone leaves me -again, saying I am poisonous. And a very deep part of me believes that
Maybe I am.
Poisonous.

And after so many times,
How can I not begin to question,
Is it's truly me or
Or is it them?

Some scars wont last you a lifetime,
                  suicide will.

lately i've been doing more
staring at the pages than
actually reading
and i've been doing more
smoking than quitting
and i've been doing more
laying in bed wishing i was
anywhere else than sleeping
and i've been doing more
binge drinking than trying
to sober up
but mostly i've been doing
more missing you than
forgetting you and that might
be the biggest problem here