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Amber DeLaRosa Aug 2015
Don't you have anything else to say to me?
After all of this time
Had I fooled myself thinking I could be one of your kind?

But you looked so perfect in the light
I half fooled myself thinking that
I could dance, I could be the cool girl
In your trance

I was only dreaming
Of you
Only dreaming of being
One of your kind

Please don't look at me with those eyes
I can't take how badly I want to believe them
Amber DeLaRosa Aug 2015
My father was an artist
He was Johnny Cash
He was Elvis

Every photo of him was
Black and white
And I'd cry at night
God how much I missed him

My mother took me to mountains
Where she'd hold my hand and
Tell me to sing as loud as I can

My father gave me my Martin
My Art and Lutherie

And before I knew chords
I strummed that guitar
Hoping somehow he'd hear me

I owe them everything
Every bone in my body
Because of them
I hear symphonies
Amber DeLaRosa May 2015
My creative nature torments me
For all the moments I let it just sit there
Growing stale, but ever calling

I sit on my hands
They desperately reach for paintbrushes
I cross my fingers against pallets of color,
My heart soars

I hold that magical instrument against my chest
And I scream my music
Let all of it pour out of me
Streaming all of my torment

For my eyes get stuck to moments
That others won't see as beautiful
But to me, they are everything

A girl against a colored wall
Nobody understands the need I feel
To express is all
Stifled creativity
Amber DeLaRosa Apr 2015
"You just need one solid friend I think"
He said to me while leaving

He can't be bothered by my welled up eyes, he won't stick around for the **** to break. He is not strong enough to sit with me in the crashing waves.

"You just need one solid friend I think"
He said to me while leaving
Amber DeLaRosa Apr 2015
I don't like having friends
They're far too full of consequence
I am a fool, and unconvincing

I cannot shut my mouth for the life of me
For every word that pours out
There's a knife in the back of me

That's the pain I feel
That's the pain I feel

You pose a question
I grasp at it desperately
I'm so afraid to answer it incorrectly
So I throw out ever detail and story
Hoping something I say will connect
Will explain

Like maybe if you could see me
Like REALLY see me
All that has been and all that I am
In my entirety
That maybe you could see all of my flaws at once, but each one would leave a trace
Some deep rooted reason or far removed place
Some trauma that tainted me
Maybe it would save you from blaming me
Like I blame me

I'd hate to think that I was responsible for this mess barely standing in front of you.
Sometimes I want to run away from every single person I know. So that I can erase all my shame.
Amber DeLaRosa Apr 2015
Laughing and crying, like a maniac
Driving faster and faster
With my school friend the passenger
She asks her to kindly slow the the car
She's afraid now, and she wants to go home

But these roads are dark and deep
Mama feels the need to drive them fast
To drag her car across her past
Before it traps her

Like a thinly stretched rubber band
Bound too tightly not to break
"Let her pick her poison"
"Let her pick her pain."
"Don't look at her that way."

The radio plays "damaged"
They ask if she's alright
As she bursts into tears,
I say "she's like this all the time."
My Manic Mama
Amber DeLaRosa Apr 2015
On her way home, Mama saw a man Stranded, standing on a corner of the road
There was something about his eyes
She thought she saw "home" in them

"So get in the car."
She said "I know a bar
Thats not very far from here."
She opened the door, Barefoot
He fell in, and she let him.

He asked her why she picked him up
So carelessly and unreluctant  

A few nights in a hotel
A few days on the road
When she remembers,
A quick phone call to home

She says that I'll understand when I'm older
The lengths she would go to for someone to hold her

But in the end,
He was just like him
Spitting image

Left her
With scars on her body
Drove off
With her car

Still, I cannot look her in the eyes
To say I told her so
My Mama loved so many men,
On her way home
"The ***." "David."
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