You took me
.
Ripped my heart out
,
held my pumping love in the palm of your hand
.
Then kissed me
.
You kissed me hard
.
I dripped from your mouth,

slowly down your neck 
onto the cold, hard pavement.
And here I wait.

I am waiting for you.

I waited for him.
I always waited for him.
When we would flirt and get close.
I waited.
And when he backed away to be with someone else.
I waited.
When he called needing to talk about whatever girl he broke up with.
I waited.
When he would get drunk and his feelings slipped about me.
I waited.
When the cycle repeated mercifully over the next year.
I waited.
When he told me "you are my person" "I need to talk to you,"
I held onto that more than I should've.
And once again, I waited.
I don't think I'll ever stop waiting for you.

To the girl that loves him next,

Please be careful with him.
He has a fragile heart.
He gets attached and frustrated very easily.
Don't push him away.
Just know he's willing to take a bullet for the people he loves and you're one of them.
But,
Communication is hard with him, mainly because he's very stubborn.
Stay calm.
He will eventually talk to you.
His eyes do change color.
When he is happy, they are the bluest things you'll ever see.
They're bright and trusting which makes you feel comfortable.
But when they're grey, you can see the discomfort grow in him.
The color itself describes how he feels.
Please try and keep them blue.
His heart is big but breaks easily.
Please be cautious.
Cuddle him.
Make him feel warm and fuzzy inside just by snuggling against his embrace.
They're the most welcoming arms you'll ever lay in.
He snores sometimes, but don't let that stop you from falling asleep in his arms.
Self admittedly he said he drools.
Embarrassing, maybe.
But it's just another little thing you'll grow to admire.
His favourite place is Las Vegas.
He grew up there.
It's a huge part of his heart.  
He keeps it close to him.
Don't ignore the stories that he tells about his time there.
Even if they're repetitive.
Yes. He's forgetful but listen to the repetition of his stories.
Memorize them.
Like how he ran from the cops with his friends late one night and managed not to get caught.
Like how he would walk the strip every night and never run out of things to do there.
Just know that he badly wants to go back because things were easier, more relaxed there.
That place is his home.
Also know,
He's gone through so much terrible **** for someone his age.
He's just 20 but his heart is wise.
Sometimes you have to filter yourself because you don't want to bring up any horrible memory.
There are things I can't even begin to tell you about.
He has gone through hell and back so tell him that you're ******* proud of him.
Because you should be.
Please, don't let him ever feel that low again.
His favourite drink is coffee.
He adds a bit too much sugar to it but it's sweet and somehow taste amazing.
His kisses are soft, which I'm sure you know.
Don't ever stop kissing him.
He rides bikes, scooters, really anything with wheels.
That's his go to thing to really make him feel his best so when he goes to the skatepark, don't stop him.
Take care of him when he hurts himself, because he will hurt himself one way or another.
He loves music.
If he has one headphone in, don't think he's ignoring you.
He's not.
He simply wants to get lost for a little while.
And that's okay because everyone loves to drown out their thoughts sometimes.
That's what music does for him.
He stays up late on nights that he doesn't work or go to class.
And he drinks.
Sometimes heavily and he may get into a funk.
Please, help him out of it.
He can get scary sometimes and I worry that it can go bad.
Show him that you worry too.
He smells like cigarettes but you'll grow to love the smell.
Like I did.
Please, always remind him that he's loved and has your full attention.
He isn't the best at being hopeful that things will turn out good for him.
Make it known that you genuinely love him.
Make him aware that he will have you for as long as he wishes.
Let him know that you will treat him as best as you can.

Because if you can't do that, please let me.

To the girl that loves him next,

Treat him like he's your world.
Because I didn't get the opportunity to show him that he was mine.
And he really ******* deserves it.


-From Someone Who Loved Him Before.
  --and always will.

"I love you"** was your easiest lie.
I wish you'd just let me go and say "goodbye".
Holding me, well it must of made you arms burn.
Reading me, you did it so often but you never did learn.
Kissing me, mostly likely seared the tip of your tongue.
Seeing me, probably made you feel nothing but numb.
But "I love you."
Was so easy to say.
To you, "I love you" was a phrase to just keep me to stay.

It's you.
I know it's you.
You leave thought's in my head.
You leave scars on my heart.
You leave pain in my soul.
Everything reminds me of you.

It’s you.
I know it’s you.
The shade of pink your cheeks turn when you blush.
The little marks on your tummy.
The crinkles by your eyes when you smile that mediocre smile.
The little bit of blonde color in your hair.
Your eyes.
Your accent.
Your taste.
They're all printed in my brain.

It's you.
I know it's you.
Something's screaming inside,
looking for that person who calms the anxiousness.
Then the searching stops.
And the regrets come back,
along with the demons.
They are imprisoned in my soul again.

It's you.
I know it's you.
But.
Something's bleeding inside.
It’s not blood.
I don’t know what it is.
But it keeps dripping,
until it silently drowns me in a pit of my own despair and sadness.

It's you.
I know it's you.
Something's broken outside.
But it's not glass.
No.
It's the sound my knuckles make as my fist hits wall.
No.
It's the thirst of my throat.
No.
It's the scream of my stomach.
No.
It's the fact that,
You broke every single part that's left of me.

It's you.
It's know it's you.
My ears miss your laughs.
My eyes miss your cheesy smile.
My nose misses that distinctive scent.
My lips miss that mint gum flavor.
My hand misses that touch of your delicate hand.
My shoulders miss that tight hug of yours.
My chest misses the way you made my heart beat so fast.
My feet miss the way it should walk everyday to see you.
My fingers miss the way they entwined with yours.
My hair misses the way you caress it.
Every single part of me is missing you.

It's you.
I know it's you.
Do you miss me like I miss you?
Or am I the pathetic one?
You still make me happy even if you are the main reason why I'm sad.
I let you become my happiness and that's where I went wrong.
Because you killed what was left of the good in me.
Yet I still loved you.

Because.
It's you.
It's always been you.

Falling for someone is pretty destructive.
Seeing their smile.
Feeling the warmth of their embrace.
The taste of the gum they were chewing.
Noticing the way they dot their "i's".
And cross their "t's".
The way they spoke.
Soft and sweet.
The way they smelled of that ****** cologne you hated,
But loved the way it smelled on them.
The color of their eyes,
Of his eyes...
They were brown.
I never knew the color until I looked into his eyes.
I hate that color.
His cologne smelled like cinnamon.
God, I hated cinnamon.
The way he spoke.
Sounded like daggers cutting off rose petals.
God I hate roses.
The way he wrote letters to me.
Writing my first name with his last name.
Giving me false hopes.
And now I can't write anymore.
His breath smelt like his favorite brand of mint gum.
And I could taste it when he'd kiss me.
I ******* hate that flavor.
And, my God, his hugs.
They now remind me of suffocation.
Overwhelming regret.
I don't ever want to be touched anymore.
His smile was the highlight of my days.
But now my nights are strictly shadows.
And now I can't even smile myself.
Because,
Didn't you know?
Falling for someone is pretty **** destructive.