They say love is weakness
They say that it only hurts you
They are right,
Love was my undoing.  
I fell in love with you,
But all you did was hurt me,
Over and over again.
You made me feel weak
You made me feel little
You made me feel insignificant
You don’t know how that feels,
To be vulnerable,
The the one you love,
Point out
Every
Single
Thing
They see wrong with you.
It hurt so bad,
And then I have no one there to help
Because you made me drive everyone away
Why can’t you see the pain in my eyes?
Why can’t you see through my front?
Why can’t you see my silent pleas for help?
You just keep going and going,
You haven’t ever stopped.
You’ve hurt me time and time again,
With both your words and your fists.
And I won’t stand for it anymore
Because of you,
I lost hope.
Hope in love,
Hope in the world,
And hope in myself.
You left me broken,
Exposed,
And weak.  
I learned one thing though,
Its that Love is hopeless,
And it DOES only hurt me.
So I have you to thank
For being the reason
I gave up all hope.

You ask me why I don’t talk to you,
You always ask me why I don’t trust you
You always ask me why I’m never around.
Why should I trust someone
Who always puts me down?
Why should I talk to someone
Who doesn’t care?
Why should I be around someone
Who never believed in me?
It’s your own fault for the relationship we have now,
You never cared about me
You never noticed the things I would do
You never saw how I vied for your attention
You ask me how I ended up like this
You ask me why I put myself down,
Do you not remember those words YOU spit at me?
Do you not remember YOU always discouraged me?
Do you not remember how YOU hurt me?
I’ve been told,
Since I’ve been young,
That I won’t be anything.
Don’t you think that sticks?
The words thrown at me,
For years,
“You can’t be creative”
“You won’t be anything great”
“Your dreams are unattainable”
“You’re hopeless”
These words might seem like nothing,
But they impacted me.
I have so little self-confidence,
That I won’t even TRY to be better.
I resigned myself to be nothing
To be a nobody,
To just fit in,
All because you couldn’t praise me,
You didn’t help
You didn’t ever say anything nice,
You just destroyed my dreams,
So my failure,
Is on you.

You used to be there for me,
You used to be my rock,
You used to be the one I trusted,
But where are you now?
Where have you been these past few years?
Traveling?
Trading?
School?
I don’t know,
But I wish I did.
You abandoned me in my time of need.
You made me lose hope in everyone.
When you left,
Everything went downhill
From taking the abuse from a loved one
To being bullied for something I couldn't help
I was suicidal,
And you weren’t there to help
Did I do something wrong?
Was I not good enough for you?
Or did you just not want me?
A broken little girl who tries her best
To not let anything affect her?
I was broken after you left,
Nothing could put me back together,
Only my one love could.
I told you everything
How I feel,
How I think
How I just needed an escape.
I told you my deepest fears,
My biggest dreams,
You have seen me at my lowest low,
And at my highest high,
But where are you now?
You left me,
No note,
No nothing.
You disappeared,
I always wondered where you were
And I guess I’ll never know
I just miss you,
My sister
My light in the darkness,
Why did you leave?

I hear the fights between them
And I constantly think
“Please don’t notice me”
With each passing word I feel more and more numb
Families are supposed to love each other,
Cherish the little things,
Protect each other….
What happened to mine?
For YEARS I have witness these “blowouts”
And after each one of them...
I’m scared
What If they hit me I think
What if they turn their wrath on me?
What if they don’t want me anymore?
What if they send me back?
I try so hard to cover up my insecurities,
But it’s getting to much
Y’all fight over the simpl  things,
The tiniest things trigger you,
And all I can do is sit there and think
“What happened to my family?”
No kid should think this,
So why am I?

I’m sorry I’m not good enough
I’m sorry I’m too loud
I’m sorry you don’t like me
But none of that is my fault
I can’t be what you want
And I hurt myself because of that
You don’t see what you say affects me
You don’t notice the self-inflicted wounds
You just keep adding on and on
On way I’ll break ya know,
With every words said against me
Another cut is made
Soon enough there won’t be enough room
When the day comes
Maybe I’ll have had enough of this abuse
Until then,
I’ll take what you give me
I’m just sorry you can’t see the good in others
I’m sorry you can’t see your own flaws
But sometimes sorry isn’t enough

All emotion can be shut off.
I should know,
I’ve done it for years.
Me doing this has kept me sane.
I shut off my feelings of sadness,
So I won’t regret.
I shut off my feelings of anger
So I don't hurt anybody.
I shut off my feelings of self-loathing
So I can preserve my mind.
I shut off my feelings of guilt,
So I won’t feel obligated to do anything
I shut off my feelings of grief,
So I can focus on what's important
Instead of living in the past.
To me,
Emotions are useless,
And hinder one's ability.
But the humans worst mistake
Is apathy.
Apathy to the terrors that everyone ignores,
Apathy to the beating others endure
Apathy to the horrors others put them through
There needs to be a balance,
A balance between the emotional
And the Apathetic
I wonder if I am that bridge,
I wonder if that is even possible.
All I know,
Is that emotion clouds one's judgement,
And Apathy lets the horrors of the world
Continue.

Words spoken in anger
Are words spoken true.
When you yelled at me,
“You’re worthless”
I knew it to be true.
I’m faced with that thought
Every
Single
Day.
Everything you yell,
I already know.
I know I’m worthless
I know I don’t deserve the life I live
I know I’m a burden.
You constantly yelling it,
Just justifies it.  
The one who is supposed to protect me,
Nurture me,
Help me,
Was the driving force in my fall from the light.
Even after you quit yelling,
I know you spoke true,
And you don’t actually care what I feel.
You just try to apologize to save face.
Maybe one day,
You’ll know what you did to me,
But today is not the day.