I cut myself
So I can feel
I starve myself
So I can be pretty
I isolate myself
So no one will know
I destroy my body,
So I can prove I can do something.
I know no one will notice,
I know no one will care,
I know no one will help.
I do this for myself,
And myself only.
I do this so I can prove myself.
I know if I confide,
In anybody,
They would turn their back.
I know,
This world is a cruel place.
I know no one accept people like me
I know the world isn’t ready.
The world isn’t ready for me.

I hear the constant yelling
I hear your constant arguments
I hear the fight you have
I hear the insults you yell at each other
When will it stop?
You yell and scream
You pull me into your fights
I see the things being thrown
I hear the demeaning things said
When will they finally concede?
It’s like living with 4 year olds
I can see the redness in their faces
I can hear the raw anger In their voice
I can hear the curses being thrown
I can feel the hatred emanating from their bodies
Do they know how that affects me?
Tensing up whenever they are in the same room
When they leave the room,
The Relief I feel is instant
For then next couple days,
Loud noises scare me
I’m constantly on edge,
Why should the people you love not love each other?
She says that you should just be quiet
He says well look at you
I just try not to cower away

The scars on my body,
Are my own.
No one else can see,
No one else can know,
No one else can care.
The things I do to my body,
Are my ***** little
Guilty pleasures.
I can’t get enough of the rush,
I can’t get the image of my blood spilling out
I can’t get the blade to fall.
I need to feel the sting,
I need to feel the pain,
I need to feel something.
I am addicted…
To the blade on my skin,
Cutting into my skin,
Waiting for the crimson lines to appear.
I am addicted,
To the feeling of retribution.
I know I deserve it,
I deserve every cut inflicted,
Every burn I administer
I deserve all the pain I give myself.
I know I am nothing,
I know all I bring is pain,
I know no one will ever see me for who I am.
All I can do is hope,
That one day I can get help,
That one day someone will care,
That one day,
I will be in recovery.
Until that day,
All I know is
I have to keep
Cutting.

Your eyes say it all,
Whether you are mad,
Happy,
Sad,
Angry,
Or any other emotion
People say that ones
Eyes are windows into their souls,
That statement couldn’t be more true for you
Even when you try to be stoic,
Your eyes betray you.
They show your true feelings
They show what you’re thinking
They show the disgust you have for me,
The anger when you spot me,
The joy when you beat me into submission
The triumphant gleam
When you finally break me
After each beating,
You give a laugh of satisfaction,
But what have I ever done to you?
I know my eyes show the confusion,
And the brokenness of my soul.
I know my eyes show the anger I feel
For being hurt needlessly
I know my eyes show the forgiveness
That you don’t deserve
I know my eyes show the cracks in my heart,
I know my eyes show the damage you have done
But the eyes don’t show the scars,
The scars on both our souls.
The eyes don’t show the irreparable damage
That has been done to both of us.
The eyes don’t show the full story.
Your eyes don't show how you were abused,
How you always felt powerless.
They don’t show that you beating me is your way of coping.
My eyes don’t show that I could easily overpower you,
They don’t show that I’m grateful for the attention
Because no one else notices me,
My eyes don’t show that I love you.
Eyes can show one's soul,
But no one knows the story behind them.

Why am I so weak?
Why can’t I be strong for once.
Why can’t I be normal?
Why do I live in a world of pain
This reality of truth
This realm of heartbreak?
Why do I live in a society where I fear for my life?
I fear the terrorists coming,
I fear the school shooters shooting,
I fear the threats that have yet to be known.
Why should I, or anyone
Have to grow up with this?
The constant threat of something coming,
The feeling of uncertainty when it come to school,
Wondering if I’ll be the next victim?
When will I be able to walk the streets,
Not wondering if I will get shot.
What wrong with today?
People ask.
Let me tell you.
I have to grow up
Living In fear for my life
I have to grow up
with the threats of terrorism
I have to grow up
Wondering if I’ll die today
I have to grow up
Knowing the world is falling apart
I have to grow up
Feeling as if there is always something bigger than me
I have to grow up
With no hope for a better world
This world is toxic,
I wonder when others will start noticing

Is it bad that change myself to conform with society?
That I’ve changed so much
I’ve forgotten the real me?
Sure, society is changing
But I want to be the REAL me NOW.
Not to sound bratty or whiney,
But it’s been long enough of people hiding behind false smiles
And fake laughter
Of people hiding behind a persona they make for themselves
We want to be who we want now.
When’s it going to happen?
When can I walk into school
Without fear of being bullied for what I wear
When can I walk the streets
Without fear of being *****
When can I walk into a room
Without judging stares
When will any of this happen?
Is it bad I’ve created a false image of myself?
That I fear being judged so much
That I changed everything about myself,
That I can’t remember what the real me looks like
I used to be a sweet, somewhat girly kid.
Now, I dress like a boy
So not to get others attention,
I intimidate the **** out of others
So not to get bullied for being small,
I don’t show feeling,
So not to be judged for being weak.
I just want to be the real me,
Just once in my life without fear
Of what others will say.

I cover up my cuts
So you won’t see
I lie
So you won’t know
I punch you
So you will go away
But it’s time you knew
Every scar on my body,
Is just another example of how weak I am.
Every emotion shown,
Is a show of how inadequate I feel.
Every action I do,
Is a show of the control I try to exhibit.
Every cut on my arms,
Is another battle I lost.
I’m not as strong as I portray myself to be
I fell off the “good” train long ago
Every time I say I’m fine
I’m lying
Every time I laugh
It’s fake
Every time I smile,
I want to die
But I do everything in my power
So you won’t know
I try to protect you
From the horror that is myself
But you need to know,
I am breaking