Let's talk about this.
Because I feel like I'm about to fall into that deep abyss.
Again.
So, let's listen to me then.
I want this to end.
You keep on talking about my weight.
I'm sure you do this, to motivate.
I know I'm ugly because I'm fat.
I know you all have been thinking that.
"Your shirt is looking a little tight."
"I'm sure you have a big appetite."
"Here I bought you a shirt that's 3 times the size you actually are!"
"You have a two piece swimsuit?! That's bizarre!"
Just leave me alone!
I get it, I've grown!
We are all going to die.
So why do you care so much about my BMI!?

Like a mighty hurricane
Your memories play about my brain
Bringing forth both happiness and pain

This is what follows
When pulled under by the sorrow
My mind your absence trys to grasp
Breath quickens, to short little rasp
Heart beating at such a rate
It threatens to beat through my breastplate
Butterfly feelings, makes my stomach twirl
Like millions of delicate wings in a swirl
Sleep refuses to invade
All the memories with you I've made

Then the tears start to slide
Slow at first, like they're trying to hide
The shoulders that shake
Till my whole body quakes
Trying to keep the whimpering moans inside
But the wail breaks forth, with the pooling tears coincide

Every feeling for you is amplified
Every moment magnified
To your memory forever chained and enslaved
You left my heart engraved

My hopes was flying way to high
Way up there in the bright blue sky
For just a moment I forgot
This is not where my train stops

I forgot my sky's are gray
I forgot only sadness finds it's way
Through sorrow's mist
It was something I had dismissed

Just for a moment my thoughts ran away
Just for a minute I let them stray
Thinking plans would all work out
That bucking horse, I wouldn't have to mount

I let them float way to far
Past the clouds, past the stars
So this is all my fault
I put the horse behind the cart

The rope was cut
The dream got bent
This smile I only rent
Happiness for me was never ment

©Pauline Russell