Is there something that you want but can't approach?
Something you want to know
Yet you hide or sneak in a quick look
We make excuses as to why not

What do you have to lose?
Your pride, your independence?
No
Losing these things is an illusion that you project on yourself
Even if you don't want to

What you do can define you
What you do not do can define you
What do you want to define yourself as?

Not to them
Not to me
To you

Who do you want to be and what do you want to do?

"Are you okay?"
No, I'm the same as always
I've decided to express how I feel from now on

"You're not being open"
I want to die
"I already know that"
That's what I am feeling

So why can't you leave it at that?
Is it not enough?

Silence
Is not loneliness
It is not that I have no opinions, I just don't want to talk to you

Dishonesty
Is not something I tolerate a lot
It is my past but not my present or future

Happiness
Is not what I aspire to have
It is not what I require to thrive

Depression
Is not what weakness is
It is what bathes me

Love
Is not what I look for
It is not the same thing as what trust holds for me

Will I have to retake the exams?
Will I pass math?
Will I do better than 30/45?

I regret not taking myself far away
When I was seven
The first time I tried to go

Looking back
A variety of thoughts
A smile and a tear

I don't have the intelligence others have
I don't have the courage others have
I don't have a lot of things

What I do have is the love of pain
The love of seeing myself fall
I'd like to leave if it doesn't go well

To never stop falling is what I have brought myself to

Throughout time
The game of cat and mouse
More so
Hunter and prey

Your words and actions fly like bullets
Loud and clear
or a mere whisper before the pain
I've had enough

Baring teeth and claws
I turn and gaze back
This act of endless circling isn't for you
It's for me; giving you time to change

I've broken the circle
I've turned my back
Redemption
For myself

I don't care if you try anymore
I will redeem myself
So I can look ahead and live
Knowing that I won
Now I've made you cry and crumble
I've beat you at your own game

It's been so long
I can't shed a tear for you
They were all for me
As I watched myself break and fade
Not much longer now

I'm getting a taste of redemption