She no longer soars
Agony in every stroke
She beats broken wings

Knock knock, who's there
It's me, your anxiety

A nice surprise, I know
Thought I'd come for a sleepover
The kind you had when you were twelve
Stay up all night talking

We'll reminisce over times gone by
Share embarrassing stories
You go first
Actually I'll tell one for you

Remember that one time
When you actually thought
You mattered
Thought your family would help you
Hug you and maybe wipe your tears

***, so hilarious
I can't believe you actually fell for that!

Blade
Skin
Slice

Warm
Flowing
Blood

Dark
Silent
Thud

Scream
Sirens
Rush

"It's
Too
Late"

Calm
Quiet
Rest

Its not fair
She screams
Why them
Why not me

She never
Asked for much
Just to
Be held
Be loved

He never
Asked for her
The extra
The twin

She gave
All she had
Her love
Her tears

He shoved them
Under the rug
With all
The dirt
And filth

She learned to
Hide away
Smile and
Be polite

He wouldn't
Protect her
Hold her
Tender heart

So she broke
Quietly
Hid the pain
Beneath pills and scars

Now she's gone
Someone else
Walks in her shoes
And he doesn't even know

Deep red like roses
It flows down my arm
Its warmth the comfort
Of hugs never felt

For a moment I'm glad
to be alone

They say sticks and stones may break my bones
But her words
They've cut me deeper than a belt or switch ever could
They've left their sting, their wounds, their mark
Not on flesh where any eye could see
But hidden, secretly
On my broken wounded heart
Strike by strike, their tone, their sound
I'm broken, beaten to the metaphorical ground

This 'strong-willed child'
'Stubborn' and 'determined'
Was a scared, lost little girl
In such a big, frightening world
Longing to be hugged and held
But the looming Tyrant only
Criticized and sometimes yelled

The once-bubbly child fell silent
Learned to bite her tongue
So the words don't come, that lead
To punishment and correction
The price she paid, the feeling
Of belonging and connection seemed
A worthwhile fee to find protection
Alone, isolated,
Wordless perfection

I've got monsters in my head
They say they want my life to end
I fight back, I call them enemies
But sometimes they're my allies
We share the same thoughts
Hold the same point of view
I should really call them friend

They remind me of my mistakes
They say it's the biggest part of me
I fight them on the outside
But inwardly I admit
I wholeheartedly agree

My monster friends are so kind
they offer a solution to my problem
They suggest I end it all
They give me means to do so
And assure me it's for the best
They tell me repeatedly no-one else will mind

She has a short life
She's ugly when you know her
When you really see

Worn, ******, raw
The goad wounds, but she
Can't stop kicking
Breaking rules, hurting self
Desperate for freedom

Tired, scared, trapped
A sheep caught in wire
boundaries meant for protection
Frightened, she fights harder
Barbs dig deeper
She's killing herself

If she could just hold still, submit
The Sheperd would set her free
Though thorns pierce his brow

Worn, ******, raw
The whip wounds, but He
Surrenders freely

Not me, I can't
The white flag I've spent
On a blood-soaked attempt
To bandage my own wounds
Feeble waste it was
Masked, they're still there
Worn, ******, raw

They say you never leave me
I know its true, but I'm not sure I believe it

Were you honestly there as
my life flowed away
Down the drain
with the shower water?

Were you really watching as
It all grew dark and fuzzy,
When even sight and sound refused to stay?

Were you still holding me as
No one else dared sit by the side
Of my living corpse,
As even I longed to leave me?

Were you happy to keep me alive as
I fought so hard
against the life you gave me?

Thank you for staying

I know the mirror cannot lie
Yet I hope that somehow
Just this once
It is mistaken

I pray the girl I see
Looking back at me
Is not a reflection
But a figment of imagination

Her lonely eyes
Her wilted youth
Forgotten grace
Sorrowful face

Surely that empty shell
The mere remnant of a soul
Couldn't really be
All that's left of me

She carried the weight of the world
And was applauded for her strength

But the one meant to listen chose to speak
The one who spoke told lies
instead of truth

Lies that broke her trust

Shattered her heart

Crushed her soul

The weight of the world
was light as a feather
next to the weight of words,

they fell heavy as an anvil