What business do you have getting jealous over me. You already have a wife, you ******* fiend. You ask too many questions. So I mention my non-boyfriend and the crazy in your eye catches me off-guard. If nothing else, maybe I've deterred you. And still there's questions. I never anticipated your coked out reaction. I don't need to be the victim of past life regression every time I enter the kitchen. I never gave into the chemistry cuz I could feel this poison coming from eons away. I never let myself joke with you unless I cracked. I never let myself care for you, and that's a fact. I always avoided eye contact at all costs, I pretend not to hear you when you scoff, cuz its not my fault. I tell myself it's not my problem when I ignore your attempts at connection and you look lost. My rejection is all you should have expected. You're ******* married. Even if you weren't, we have bad juju. It was never gonna happen. You are your wife's headache this life. So leave me out of it. How glad I am that I get to walk away and there's no us, and no children for you to hang over my head anymore just because I want out. You couldn't dare touch who doesn't exist. There's no cowards way to keep me oppressed. How relieved I am you cannot touch me. We are in public, I will never cower to you ever again. Your not my keeper, your just my boss. Get past the past lives. Get over yourself. If you do not, I'll just **** you again.

To any hulk of an exec chef,  or any sous with little **** syndrome, if you think for a minute you're keeping your fingers after waving them in my face, your mistaken. Go ***** to someone else you say, point taken. I will dessimate you when you forsake me, just as my father did and many boyfriends. I pity your unborn baby, who will inherit your anger and yell like you, and if she's a girl, she will learn to put up with rage like yours. Your very pregnant wife has to shuck oysters just to keep her level eye on you. How smart. You flirt with everything. But even she can't save you from yourself, when you're hopped up on only God knows. Disrespecting the women from your wife's country, your child's lineage. I don't care how many drops run in your own blood, thats not a charge card to say racist **** on top of being an *******. I will always pray that you find your way, make your wife feel safe, para siempre, instead of coming onto women everytime she's not watching. Get right with God, walk straight. I cannot work in a hostile kitchen, I don't do this **** for these tips. When I don't even break a hundred a night, I'm calling it quits, and even when I did, I do not need to be extending my anxiety into a physical reality of shaking hands or jumbled words caught up in my throat. You see, when you raise your voice to me, my brain doesn't think, this man is my boss who can't hit me, my body is too busy bracing, for what muscle memory recalls, following similar stimulis before. If you talk to me like I am an idiot like my father did, if you raise your voice to me like he and all following abusers did, I just might cut you slow with my words, for I am indelibly OVER. THIS. ****. I quit Umberto after three years for his, so now I have a low tolerance. Insisting I can't do MY job, when it's not MY bad, if you're gonna take away my ability to defend myself, in a place I came to empower me, you better hope I feel merciful when you tell me to ***** to someone else when I say I don't appreciate the way you are speaking to us. I don't feel merciful, cuz I can't do this **** anymore. Getting in my face, saying I need to do my ******* job right if I want to take issue, cussing out a woman when I have done or said nothing wrong. I have always owned mistakes, if I said I did perfect this shift, you better back up off of it and stop talking to me like I'm some lying ******* idiot. Consider this my notice.

Real women dont make life's biggest decisions based on what choices they are given. Darling we are creatures of creation, of manifestation, and much too patient to commit our hearts to anything other than the will of our creator. A real woman gets what she wants out of life without even lifting a finger. So long as the flames in her chest burn white and rampant, you'll know she's filled her own order when her gaze lingers. She knows anything not offered isn't ready for picking. She knows for every man that leaves her, there will be fifty dying to make her aquaintance. When a desire burns pure in her heart, no amount of muscle can contain her. She is the white peacock, plumage on display. She is the white peacock, she needs not to say, she only thinks and mostly feels, her good conscience leads the way. Here comes the rain dripping onto hibiscus, here comes the rain to illuminate. She awaits the morning light on her nest of realized dreams.

Disheveled I crawl through a tunnel of my past over crumpled sheets and pillows of one man's bed, then the next, then the next and just when I think it will never end, there she lay atop a bed of orange peels and poppies, my Gemini twin, creeping grin, contagious we're vibing. Im glad there isn't a man here in dreamland tonight cuz I'm just really feelin myself.

I get high off watching the sun rise, it reminds me that I'm still alive, waiting at dawn to stake my claim in today. I am the mainstay of constancy, of evolution, the leopard lurking in darkness, pawing stealthily past moonlight. My strength magnified in magnolias, my ability to break open in silence, my willing fragility exempts me from the need to fall to pieces. I cuddle up to the command of now, wrapping it around my will like I wrap my tongue around the notes of its song, like silks looping around my present, to my world, my fullest attentions, my richest intention, my ultimate salvation. My lineage sings survival of the fittest. Our rigorous love of self, of others, is the ticket, the tributaries to the endless river within us, bridged by the calls of cardinals, flitting from pine to sky, rescinding all the litter of Earth's surface to drift off into varying existences.. I am awake.

I do not desire to control the world, I aim much higher, mastery of oneself, my soul. That's the meaning of life.  Who would I be to deny deserving people of my love,  my praises?  All people are worth that,  I've come to Earth to realize this. I just want to help.  I just want to be helped. I just want to be whole,  my soul I throw down on the ground in humility, thats my collateral. For arrogance see's no fault. Where there is no faults there are lies. If God is love and God is truth, I just wanna love God so I can love me and love you. If I couldn't see lessons for what they are I'd be miserable.  If I couldn't learn to stretch my patience and strength I wouldn't be limber. It's the flexible tree that bends and doesn't break. Let my sanity and love for myself be the main stay that outlasts every man lifetimes over. That allows me to nurse them back to health when they have fallen,  for every sorry *** is a heart broken and fumbling for a semblance of that feeling of acceptance. I am the essence of compassion as long as you reach my love will follow,  I was born of Great Mother energy, I am strong, yet this is Earth where I need a warrior. His stealth, lessons in control, patience and acceptance. He needs a queen who feeds him back,  she needs a King to stay loyal to her energy for it will always intuit them in the right direction. Together with his protection they are the compass. Should she have grit and he have clear vision they are a team to never be had, they will build a reach into the Heavens where children thrill to slide back into Earthly existence without a care as to how it might hurt them, when you're working for a dream team, what's a few scratches..

Foolish is the man who thinks a woman can completely control her feelings.  A woman cannot control what hurts her soul anymore than he can seem to control the assaults that march from his lips "emotionless". It is only in stillness that either man or woman can gain perspective and grit to lift away burdens heavier than they know what to do with.  Being strong is an effort not made lightly for the faint of heart, being softer is an effort not made easy for those born tough. I came into this world with a fragile heart, time ravaged my mind and I became hard and clipped by my brushes with death held in others. Being soft again is to be stronger, it is an honor to drop to me knees beneath trees of my ancestry to reweave my own roots. It is a battle that will rage in me Eternally, for I always seem to attract the ones who need me, for I know I will need them too. I transmute their sorrows through my own heart. It takes its toll making others stronger, but it also makes me stronger through them. I will always march on with my faint heart. The ways I swoon make me beautiful.