This pencil
This paper
Looks just like coke and razors

I write so much I can't feel your kiss
I'm not attached to humanity
Except through this bleeding heart
That I'm slowly whittling away
It's taking shape of something so ******* beautiful

But you always say I'm killing myself
That I'm in denial
Crocodile tears and a plastic smile
For a while you fool yourself into thinking you're right
For a while you fall for your own *******

This apathy
These scars
Tattoos of times I've been torn apart

I ache for human touch
But every nerve has been severed
I close myself inside
Your ****** up mind
And watch your memories in silence
What we made is so decayed and rotten
We denied life to what we'd forgotten
I can't look at my reflection without slitting its throat
I remember what you told me and I quote:

But you always say I'm killing myself
That I'm in denial
Crocodile tears and a plastic smile
For a while you fool yourself into thinking you're right
For a while you fall for your own *******

This love
Those emotions
Can't find which hole in my heart they go in

I balance my life on the edge of a blade,
I get cut and nicked
No matter which turn I take
I'm teetering, watching myself bleed
It leads me to believe that smile was always fake
There was no right time to deny the lies I regretted
Self destruction was the first defense I hated
As I see all these lines blurred in my head
Thinking back to what you said...

But you always say I'm killing myself
That I'm in denial
Crocodile tears and a plastic smile
For a while you fool yourself into thinking you're right
For a while you fall for your own *******

I am worried that one day
I will fade from your memory
for it is you who gave me hope
when I thought all was lost

Damnation to this drink
Shattered glass on the wall
Dulled senses no longer think
But I still hear her voice call

It echoes deep inside my head
And reality hits much too strong
When I know she is long dead
I want her, is that so wrong?

Damaged thoughts are to blame
Someone new in darkest lust
Using this woman in a game
Where I strip her of her trust

Do I use her all because of you?
Because she is your exact double
Oh this woe, what should I do?
Is this worth all this ****** trouble?

She sees beyond my deep scars
As you, beloved, once did
Still this bitterness still mars
All this madness I once hid

Can I escape my coming destiny?
Can the visions reflected be true?
To no longer feel pain and misery
How can this be if I am without you?

The sun empties into the mist
climbing to meet the flames of hers
strangers gather on the green
chocking on life, and love
scent of seared flesh
empties into the sea ....

He dampens her gown of glory
in her ashes that are smothering
to the ground, she is burning slowly
for the moment....for her passion
cries for his love, but the emptiness
is to long .....

An undergrowth of thistle choke wisteria
suffers along her eyes, weeds engulf the earth
where blue and white belongs...his passion runs
awhile, looking for his woman, running kisses of
passion... as weathered hands of longing
like lines in an old face of time, vines entangled
the old gate of life, where indifferent lives wander
through empty rooms surmising the cost of survival....

The wind echo's a gentle sound of love
trailing footprints of life, surmising strokes
of gentleness...

Chapel bells of quietness, longs for empty
mornings of want, with prayer short lived
as children cry out their hearts...where
drops of stone leaks out the tears
of emptiness ....

Debbie Brooks 2014