I feel like
I'm drowning in a sea
of happiness,
But I am still drowning.
I am slowly forgetting how to swim.
I love the water, the feel of it. The way it dances around my skin like
I'm safe.
Like.
Not really. Because I am not where
I want to be, not who
I want to be.
So I will save myself from drowning and instead of swimming, I will get a boat.
Let's go away.
Let's make a difference.
Even though it feels safe the way it is,
don't forget how to swim.
So I will keep looking at the water from a distance and
when I am ready, I will
Jump in again.

Let's make the most of it,
let’s learn how to dive.
Same water, a different sea.

The smell of your sweater makes me think about the times we had together.
About the first time, I smelled your scent and thought to myself: ‘This is the smell of the person I am falling for.’ I saved your smell in my memories, so I would not forget.
The smell of your sweater makes me think about the first time I woke up next to you and crawled my body against yours. The way you sniffed my hair and told me I smelled nice. The way I kissed your chest and held on tight.
The smell of your sweater makes me think about how you looked at me. Like I was the most precious thing in the world and the way that look made me feel so beautiful.
The smell of your sweater makes me want to look at you like I used to look at you.
The smell of your sweater gives me butterflies imagining your arms around me, your kisses on my cheeks, my lips, my neck, my breast.

The smell of your sweater makes me cry because all those things are out of reach for me now. The smell makes me want to scream because I don’t know how to fix this and make it better. It makes me want to punch the walls until my knuckles bleed, but I won’t feel it compared to the way I feel about losing you.
The smell reminds me of the way you loved me and how I don't want you to stop loving me just because you can’t reach me and I can’t reach you...
It makes me think of the thousands of miles between us.

The smell of your sweater makes me think of love and the heartbreak that comes with it.