loneliness  -  is a
poem I'll never ever
run out of words for.

fighting. fighting
by being down, by not.
my sleep does  -  tries to
get me to, anyway. darlings
are the ones killing me.
fighting. fighting
I'm seeing now, by not.
what good does  -  sunlight's
gonna come, any day. darlings
are the ones killing me.
fighting. fighting.

can't stand it. slowly.
killing me. only
if I changed, maybe
I could be better.

I don't dream, no more.
I've learned forever:
how long memories
last. there's no reason.

it's all gone. into
wind. as dust in the
hand of god, it came,
it went, it is gone.

that's it, end story.
except the problem
doesn't end, doesn't
go away. unlike

so many things, that
have.

wish i was normal.
or maybe that normalcy
wasn't so normal.

10 was old to 5,
30 unreal, and 60
Archaic. That was really
Magic.

When you age
Like a tree,
It takes roots that stretch to hell
To brace you against life's storms.

Knowing you have time to waste,
Knowing you'll waste it  -
This is worse than being old
Living in the shadow of the fact,
What remains.

Eventually the past will eclipse all light,
It will put out the Great Fire whose embers
Are the few remaining stars, and flames
Are the withering galaxies, and the rest is char.

Eventually, the Universe
Will go to sleep
Too.

Pain
is hard as an gem. As special,
as colory. Pain makes you think
one more thing and it will all
be gone. Pain makes you sink -
while the sky threatens a hole
in your sanity. But my diamond
anchor and its tricks  - I've
grown attached. I don't care,
much longer anymore, I don't
cling to the betrayal in sheep's
clothing. I'm a grown man,
and I'm finally ready to say
I don't care about suffering.
I don't care how much I'm worth
in its eyes, I'm sick of it trying
to force itself into my palm.
There was a time, when I would've
looked upon such a pallid shadow
with absolute reverence in my eyes  -
I left the child by the door. These hours,
I forget and beg to remember, why,
why, dear God. Because this  -
is life, suffering. I ask a question,
whose remembrance lies in the depths
of unheard silence. I ask a question  -
whose answer is a leaf of autumn.

They told me to sit small,
legs crossed like folded paper,
voice tucked behind my teeth
as if silence were a virtue.

Cover up
Because if you don’t
It’s your fault

Your fault for their actions

If you ask for help
It never works
“He has a bright future”

If you need it to stop
Need to make a change
You can’t

It’s your body
But it’s their choice

Your skin, a weapon
turned on yourself
distracting, disgusting

You would never ask the same of a man

People ask
Man or bear
The answer may seem obvious to them
But no
Bear
Bear
Always bear
Because if it were a man
It would be so much worse

A man in a room of women
Ecstatic and elated
A woman in a room of men
Terrified and petrified

My shoulders?
Do they distract you
How about the bulge in your pants?
That distracts me
But I can’t say that
That’s unacceptable and awkward

So for once
Maybe instead of protection
Education would be the way to go
Because the answer should never be bear