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JasFow Oct 2017
She holds her own hand
Sweaty and cold
Shaking with a quiver only she can see
Green eyes echoing back and forth
She feels everyone else watching
Even when no none notices her
A sip of coffee satisfies nothing
A bite of the lip only helps momentarily
The pain distracts little by little
But the fear stays
Extrovert when convenient
Introvert when the other is needed
Smiling to everyone but herself
She cries to herself in the mirror
One moment, laughing enough to cause a crowd to join
Next, sitting quietly, chewing her inner cheek
Not a fear passes as she walks across a stage
But trembles as her paper is read aloud
Her best enemy lives within her head
She's living with Anxiety
My stomach makes me feel like I'm sick as I sit alone in an empty room, feeling judged by the "no one" there
JasFow Oct 2017
It's not everyday that you cry away your life
Or maybe it is
If you're like me, it doesn't change a thing
But it still happens some how
Nightly, while you lay down about to sleep
In the morning as you shower
On the drive to work and back
Pouring out all the sour
Stuff happens, you get over it, here comes the next day
But what if I don't want to be here for it?
I'm getting really tired of having a wet face
Tears falling like on a schedule
Checking off the list to make sure the deed is done
I mostly just want it to end
I'm trying to memorize the colors of the sky
My best friends colorful eyes
The way the fur of a cat feels pur-fect against my hand
How I smile at little things
Maybe more than I should
"Innocent" is definitely used too often to describe me
"******" seems to be the better fit
Each day I try to find a reason to keep moving
I wait for my cry-fest to come
I pray that the day will arrive where I don't regret a thing
I will no longer wish for something else
I've gone through this dark time before
I'm going through it again
It's different this time because I'm aware of it
I know and understand that something just isn't right
But the hard question remains unanswered
How do I fix what's wrong?
What's Next?
I'm really lost, and I'd sort of be fine if I wasn't here tomorrow.
JasFow Oct 2017
Next time someone says trust me
Don't believe a word they say
They're lying
They'll take what you give them
And twist it every way they can
Squeezing out all the bad
Exposing it for what you don't see
Putting it against you
Making you regret you said a thing
Don't let the tears escape you
Not while they watch
Let it all evaporate
And move on until the memory is lost
Don't be a fool
You can trust no one
Not even yourself
If you had to question their intentions
It's a secret meant for someone else
Friends are friends until you realize they're not
JasFow Oct 2017
I'm so tired I could drift away
Forgetting the realities that discourage my continuing
I'm tired of...
the lies I tell every day.
'No, I don't like anyone.'
'Yes, I feel just fine.'
'I had a good day today.'
'It's okay, there's always next time.'
'Oh... that's no one.'
'Yeah, I have a lot of friends.'
'I can do it all on my own.'
I can't really
JasFow Sep 2017
I'm not afraid to honk when people get to close
Alarming them of the mistake they're about to make
Don't get closer, for there's a crash awaiting just around the turn
If you get as close to touch me, there is no small tap
I crumble and implode completely
Too weak to take the hit
I leak all that's in me, not able to move again
Yelling when they frustrate me
Throwing concerns into the wind
How can people go through so carelessly
No seat belt to secure who they are
Running red lights to get what they want
Taking the risk, and usually getting away with it/
It's disgusting
Terrifying me to the point where
I don't want to be the one behind the wheel
Let someone else take control
Drive me to my next destination
Choose each road to ride on, less bumpy then my usual
When I drive myself it's scary
The driver can't be trusted
She swerves
Speeds
Parks double spaced
Crashes more than others
Loses control and is unable to see where she'll end
It's better to sit aside and let some one else take on the challenge
Some days, when the sun is glaring into my eyes
I don't see past the next hill
I close my eyes lightly
Imagining flying
Off into the sun and living a bright life
I actually fly out out my lane and shake so bad it's bothersome
I let go and keep pushing my foot forward
Another step, another place to be
I don't want to be here
But I gain my stability again, and slow into my way
Which ever way I end up, be careful if I pass
This is actually about my life/... I'm a bad driver
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