allowed the scent to stain the tips
of each appendage
as I rubbed the delicate petals between
watching how hues of purple
slid gracefully along side the curves, the honey
gold sunlight dripped
ignited the slight variations of dark nightshades from light creams
the hint of white, the shudder of black in each tint
I turned my hands upright
watching fragments cascade to the sidewalk below me

Introduced him into my life
slipped the necklace off my neck and gave him
the exact directions to the destinations
that made me safe
scared
weak
strong
the potions that awakened each aspect in my life
granted him the open doors to each variable that
emulated my entity
turned the side of me, the numb variations that dictated logic,
reason,
protection
and forgot to listen to the words he spoke
as the evening rose above the
firs, evergreens.

Somehow my body
Still rolls to the side of the bed
You once slept on
And emulates the same positions we held each other in
I watched the trains glide past today
The small specks led to the northern part of the river
And the stars began to illuminate
All the spots in the city
Where you once slid your fingers
Inside me

I think I loved you
I think that this meant something
But it comes in these waves
Recreating the horrific storms of being
Caught in each time
You couldn't breathe
I held my own breath
And how can we stop drowning
If it's the same
Sedative sound?

He said I was anything
He wanted me to be
I broke through hours
Of visiting rooms
Open caskets
Dreams of tombs
I ripped the fingers from my
Bleeding
Maybe it's too soon

Inexplicably he found the facets
Of my neurotic
Triggers too
Satiated
Too expendable
Left me
To wrinkle and dry
In the stale porcelian tub
Never really grasped onto
Why I was so numb

I don't
See the act of missing
Nostalgia
It takes place in the center
Of expectation
But how can I expect
Anything
If the world lights up
Tomorrow?

The difference between you and I

"I just dont feel it anymore"
-Did you ever feel it?
"I'm not sure."
-But you don't now? So you once felt something?
"I think so? What about you? Did you feel anything?"


-I wouldn't have moved in with you if I didn't.

"Oh."

-Yeah.