Trusting makes you vulnerable
Makes you open
What do you do when you are the one saying no.
You, the you who was happy before it all.
Who spent years building the walls around your heart and mind.
The you who suffered through the pain and psychological warfare of relationships riddled with abuse, neglect and exploitation.
The smarter , more weathered you.
Misery loves company they say, and you are your own best.
The internal struggle to open up, but why? Why wouldn’t you listen to yourself, to your instinct? If you had in the first place would you even be here.
You’ve learned to be more convincing more urgent and intended on quelling those urges to cut a hole in the walls.
You finds reasons and ways to remind you yourself.
You gives you a taste of what it felt like before. Before the safety of this place, alone.
You makes it hurt like it did before
You did it
Who do you trust now, you?
How do you ever trust again, especially when it your own mind hindering you, you find deceit in every single little thing no matter how small it may seem the next day. Your mind can let you trust, but how is that different. That is painful, the anxiety, the questioning yourself. You are the one hurting yourself now, what’s the worst that could happen.