The chatter in the room is almost mundane
The woman behind me has a dog she’s keeping outside who the neighbors aren’t too fond of because he’s a bit loud at night
I got to my hair appointment almost 15 minuets late as I slipped through the door of the I suppose modern styled ‘Yellow Strawberry’ my mother was on the phone
She wears this head set that wraps around your neck and never realizes she yells when she is talking to people and it makes me cripplingly anxious
The mirrors are tall and filled with unimpressed faces glaring at us as my marvelous royal purple polyester velvet skirt glistens in the sunlight peeking in from the dropped shades
I mutter out the time of my appointment apologize that we are late and give them my name
I know it is spelt wrong in the computer, and the odds of one of the people in here having a dog named bella are unbelievable high
As I’m escorted back to my hair dressers station I remember, I need to repaint my chipped glittery red nail polish before I pick all of it off and feel disgusting
But this particular nail polish is extremely difficult to get off and I regret every-time I paint my nails with it
But it looks so ******* beautiful in the sunlight and my lover adores the color against my almost porcelain  like skin so I indulge from now and again
I am here to hopefully cut about three inches off of my hair, it’s getting too long it sits painfully at about an inch or two below my shoulders
Four months ago I cut off about 10 inches and I felt about 50 pounds of anxiety lift from my chest
I think my fears started to manifest in my curls and the knots that kept returning reminding me over and over again I needed a desperate change
And now I’m finding myself approaching another much needed change, it’s nice

I walk along the shorelines of your ever deep
Soul
The waves grab at my ankles
With ulterior motives to trap me here
only my feet leave prints in this sand
These are uncharted lands and I am
Trespassing

Metal
Gore grind
Alternative
Rap
I want to draw
As I flip through my colorful music selection on my phone I’ve been adding to for the past 7 years
I regret not painting my heart out of my chest
And drawing until my wrists shrivel up and fall off
All I do is write
And it’s
Never enough
I stuff myself into a shell
And refuse to get out
When will I be me again?

I don’t think I’ll ever forget what it felt like
To be struck like a match
And burn out in your hands
But I’d be a strike anywhere for you anytime
Because your heat was unforgettable
And my heart was left nonflammable

In the mists of my agony
I begged to stop breathing
Then I found myself here in endless purgatory

I just spent the last 30 minuets crying into my boyfriends chest
In the middle of my tear fest I choked out
“can we get Wendy’s?”

There is not a day that goes by
I am not reminded Of how your rough hands gripped my body
I remember the pavement cold and damp
My hair a mess sweaty and tangled
From the stress and the struggle
But I am only so strong and so able to defend
You were tall, narrow face, dark hair, ****** eyes
I should have run when I saw you
But I trust even when all signs tell me to hit the road
You watched the life leave me body
And I left a ghost, a shell if you will
Of who I once was, you used me, you killed me, and left me a rotting corpse,
I ******* Hate You
And what you did to me on that cold bathroom floor

The morning after Is filled with
Crusty eyes
And an unstable balance
I don’t think I’m sober yet

I just want to stop feeling like I’m ******* choking all the time
I just want to breath

Brittle nails
And crunchy hair
That’s all I’ve bubbled down to be
But I’m okay,
For now

The sheets are a deep teal
The cat has a UTI and is ******* blood
Theres a bowl next to me,
Half smoked
You’re touching my ***
But I can’t shake the thought
Of never being enough for you
We live together
We sleep in the same bed
You pop my pimples
I check your eyes for styes
I scratch your hair
You hold me when I cry
But in the mists of it all
I feel I fell short somewhere between the *** stained sheets and the moments we can’t breath because we’re laughing too hard
I feel it lies somewhere in my character that I will forever fall short

I have spent a year loving you
I’ve spent 365 days stuck in a trance
Your love is utterly hypnotic
I am a slave to your hearts rhythm
It moves me every time
My feet go left my body sways right
The air it glides across my skin
Like shooting stars in clear night skies
Your love is like morning dew
It covers me at dawn  
I glisten and shine
In the lights of your suns
At last I understand
Whats been missing my whole life
What I’ve searched the ends of the earth for
Has always been
And always will be
You

It’s relieving to now see
Everything I have ever done
It’s all lead me right here
To you

My words run short
Like melted wax
Creeping down the sides of
Candles who have lived a smoldering life

My dryer recently broke out of the blue
Just stopped heating up
But I understood my dryers pain on such a deep personal level we bonded from that moment on
Except I didn’t break out of the blue I stopped heating up after you started to let other versions of you slip out
I stopped admiring how the light reflected off your once so utterly perfect face, I stopped sitting so close to you
Hugging you back
I stopped thinking you were the best thing I’ve ever seen and I started understanding every time I said it I meant it
“I love you more”
Really everything I did once upon a time
Almost made my stomach turn now
Like a dog in the night
You wait for me
Like a broken dryer I shake and rattle
But at least I don’t text other women

Without these words
I am nothing but dust and bone

I used to sit outside of liquor stores
For the beast who helped make me
Dripping in sweat with frizzy pig tails
And curly blonde hair
***** clothes that were too small, blisters on my feet
Bubblegum overchewed leaving a sour taste in the back of my throat but i keep squishing it between my teeth
***** hands with little fingers
Small body no dreams
I was clueless
I’d make mud pies in the sunlight on hot summer days
Florida has never been beautiful to me
But it’s where I’ve always lived
The palm trees are rough and the sand sticks to your toes
Coyotes often roamed the areas so I wasn’t permitted to go out at night
Orange trees sit in the backyard dying of disease
They’re sick and twisted, they reminded me of me
I’d **** squirrels and birds in me free time
I never felt a single thing
My eyes were blank and emotionless
I was only a child when you did this to me