it's not about how you look
or the clothes you choose to wear
or the way you make your face up

it's not about your heart
or how you choose to feel
or the way you let it get to you

it's not about what you said
or the fact that it was hurtful
or the circumstances that led to it

it's the fact that we can't communicate
that takes away all the beauty in you
a two-way dialog that says: hey wait
i really wanna get to know you
it's across this space that i postulate
how different life would be without you
the thing that harbors all this hate
is exactly how i'll remember you

and is it worth it? i don't know
there's still way too much of it on show

getting through it is all you have to do
all this pointless **** life puts you through
believe me, i know it can get pretty rough
i know what it's like to have had enough

but somewhere you'll be missed
and somewhere you'll be dissed
somewhere you'll get blamed
it doesn't matter anyway
you shouldn't feel ashamed
i can't take that away
but i can try

there are monsters everywhere.

no,

i’m not talking about
those under your bed,
those waiting for you in the dark,
those hanging on the branches of the trees,
those staring at you when you sleep,

no.

not those monsters.

i’m talking about
those who destroy your good mood,
those who bring you down in every mistake you make,
those who always look for a flaw in whatever you do,
those who make you feel sorry for ever being here.

those monsters.

but just like the monsters you imagine

— they are all in your head.

you can ignore them
and see that those monsters,
are ever so small;
so easy to trample,
so easy to destroy.

An endless sea of thought
Dark depths of the unknown
Emotional connections have been sought
Inability to understand has shown
Repercussions of damage cannot be taught
To return to the void of being alone
It is all I have learned to know

i have anxiety
undiagnosed.

sometimes it feels like my head is stuffed with crumpled ***** of paper: the things I never said, the things I should have never said, the things that someone never said to me.

all of these things are written on every piece of paper
there are so many right now that no more would be able to fit
yet i can't stop thinking things, i can't stop saying stupid things, i can't stop wishing things.

i sigh I reach up to my forehead and i grasp my bangs
with my shaky hands and pull

i'm hoping one day when i do this
the top of my head will yank open
all of these crumpled pieces of thoughts
will pour out in a pile
on the floor
i will kneel down
and uncrumple each and every piece
i will read each one
until my head fills up again.