1719

God is indeed a jealous God—
He cannot bear to see
That we had rather not with Him
But with each other play.

Of all the things I never said,
I wish I’d told her
“I love you”
before he did.

Her eyes were
the most exquisite shade
of cerulean blue.
Her daughter’s are too—

I remember
the day she arrived,
the day you slipped away, too.

Lost on October third,
two thousand twenty-two...
Could you have stayed
if I’d told you?

Every day then—
and now—
I wish I’d gone
to see you.

Just an amateur poet
Little poems in the night
One for Mexico City
Sor Juana's mystic flight

I have been to Santa Fe
Colorado too
The California Coast
Rothko green and blue

                Seattle U.

I wore your sores
I rode your pain
I stood by your side-
Even in vain

I’d be here for you
Regardless of anything
Even when you took-
All of me for yours

I held your breath
When it was too heavy
I grew up in your shadow-
Of damage

Nothing you do can take the hurt
You had me learn
You had me live
You had me feel

I was born to fail
Since nothing I do
Was good for your appeal

You wanted me quiet-
A flicker in the dark,
Something trilling
You wanted a spark

I was your secret,
Easier to keep alone
Because secrets rots,
When kept for too long

You wanted my all, my devotion
You paced around it, like a dare
Like a truth, not to be shared

You don't think I feel,
But it's all I felt
Yet I stayed silent,
I am my own personal hell

I self sabotage
Knowing you wouldn't care
I didn't not want you,
You just wanted-
What can never be fully touched

Never to be fixed,
And never undone.

I see her
The way she stands
The way she smiles
It angers me.

Why won’t she listen
Why won’t she quit
She’s mine and should-
Always listen,

It makes her think I’m cruel
I’m cold and incapable of love
But I gave her all and everything I had
I install her with fear, for the world-
And all that’s around her
I truly love her, but wished she’d disappear.

She wants to make her own decisions
Fine go be your own grown up
And find out the world can’t take you
You’re too much until you’re too little
She’s the thread, and I keep pulling
Why does she want to leave…

They’ll eat you alive
I’m just trying to help
Even out of spite,
So when she breaks-
At least I warned her
She’ll never make it alone.