I don’t know why I attach these to you
Somehow, it’s what you’re addicted to that sticks
The everlasting memory of you that enters my head
Whenever I pick up a vape

Menthol plus.

And somehow, I can’t write the same words as I did to the red user
Maybe it was truly because he was an ******* through and through
But I still believe that somewhere inside there is good in you

I don’t blame you, which is perplexing
My friends tell me to. Hell, they even call you a monster
But I defend you.
Somehow I end up taking the blame for something I am not at fault for

I don’t really know what to say, I just know I wanted to write
Maybe I’ll do some journaling, or my favorite, letter-writing
Even if I know you’ll never see the words I want to tell you

Menthol Plus.

Unlike the reds, I smoke this to remember you.
The reds were bad, and it’s a bad habit whenever I pick up a stick — but hey, look on the brighter side,
I stopped thinking of him every time I picked up a red.
I noticed it with a friend at a bar. I did not even have one thought about you.

But Menthol Plus?

I am a Menthol Extra user.
The plus has always been too harsh
But why do I find myself enjoying it more nowadays
I never willingly bought it before, only a replacement for the X to get through the day
But recently, I’ve been seeking plus out.

Maybe I miss you
And the way you kiss my lips
But as I operate, avoidance is the best coping
I somehow seem to forget everything.

Am I blocking my memory on purpose to avoid the thoughts of you?
Or have I really moved on?
Is that really all you meant to me?

But I’d like to think not.
I seek out menthol plus because I know it’s your favorite flavor
You don’t talk to me anymore, and again, because of my coping, I hardly remember a time wherein you did
Sure, literally the day before we fought the fight to bring the beginning of the end,
We were talking like “normal”

But what is normal when you weren’t even a constant figure in my life?
We talked everyday, yes, that’s a fact
But It didn’t feel like we were talking

It felt like days without a meaningful conversation
I don’t know
Maybe it’s just me being delusional or me thinking the worst and only focusing on the negatives
But no, I had been feeling this feeling of disconnection for a while.

We’d see each other, it would get better, but then the cycle would repeat.

I guess I’ve been searching for you for months now,
But now I can only find you in your favorite flavor.
If you won’t touch my lips any longer,
At least this pod will.
At least the memory of your taste will hit my lips again, even if it’s just a copy.
Because I guess this is better than nothing.

And honest to god, I miss the way you kiss me.
But we won’t get into that right now.

I’ve been missing you for months
A ghost of a person who wasn’t there
I miss my boyfriend — a sentence repeated over and over to my friends
And yes, again, we talked every day,
But I missed the person who I started dating.
I miss my boyfriend from when he became my boyfriend

I don’t understand why he got complacent or why he was always so annoyed at me,
But again, avoidance.
I’ve decided that it doesn’t matter anymore.
It was perfectly reasonable all the things I asked for

And here again I’m missing you
Inhaling the the toxin into my lungs
Letting it touch my lips
Hoping to taste you again
But this will merely function as a substitute until I can taste you again
— probably never
But for now, this will have to do.

You tell me you miss me, yet you do nothing
You tell me you like me, yet you do nothing
You wanna kiss me, you wanna hug me, you wanna **** me

But the truth of the matter is that you left me
Remember I wasn’t the one who decided to go
You left us
You left me

******* and the way that I hate myself
For the feelings that I felt when you left me

Honestly, ******* and the way that I'm mad at you
For all the reasons and the ******* and the lies you told me

I know, I know.
It's not your fault that you have **** going on

It’s my fault that I'm mad,
Trying to look for a reason to not hate you as much as I do.
Trying to combat the feelings of missing you

And you tell me sweet nothings whispered into my ear
For you to only turn your back when I'm not there

And you tell me these lies like sweet honey pie
Cavities fill my teeth from the sweet, sweet words
But I know you don't care that you hurt me

But really. It's myself that I hate
For feeling these things

You and I are okay,
but still, I'm hurting every single day.

Your reason is valid,
and for that, I'm sorry that I feel this way.

When you do an action enough
Your body naturally remembers it

My hands still remember the trace of your face
Moving to your lips, a soft outline

My eyes remember the way it felt to divert the attention you had so pleasantly given me

My mouth remembers the way I spoke your name
The laughs we shared together

And in a way, my tongue remembers yours
Learned ways on how to pleasure and love

My body remembers the way you touch it
Innocent touches brought to my face
Passionate touches went to a different place

Muscle memory shows us the past
Things we might’ve forgotten had it not caught after us
Your lasting touch still burns on me
It singes my memory

Until now my muscle memory bugs me about you
Oh how I would love to be touched again by you