People lie and say it's going to be ok
People lie and say we will make it through this
They lie and say they would do any thing for me
The lies drown me
They never leave my head
They haunt me forever
They taunt me till I give up
People lie and say they would climb the highest mountain with me
But it's to late because I've already let go

Mirrors scare me
Because whatever person I may see
It's never quite who I want to be

I don't have much fat left, I know this much
But when I pinch my skin between my fingers
I can barely see it as such
And as long as I linger
In front of the dreaded mirror
I can never quite see
Myself as thin as I want to be

Sometimes I struggle to make myself eat
As much as I know I need
Because as soon as I cheat
And let myself eat
My abs are gone and I proceed
To approach the mirror
And see even clearer
Exactly what I don't want to see

"Why won't you let me
pick you up?"
"Don't you want some of this cake?"
Can't you see?
I'm much too heavy,
If only mentally.

I'm mentally heavy
Mirrors don't help me
Mirrors scare me

Lost is not lost
When you discover something
That greatly cost

The heart beats in rhythm
To the crashing of waves

Whoosh- Crash

A monotonous beating
Of unexplained motion

Boom- Crash

This sound, motion
Describes disappointment

Whoosh- Crash

A normality of life
That breaks one's heart

Boom- Crash

I am not diagnosed with anxiety,
But I know it is there.
I do not take pills,
But perhaps I should.
When I sit here with my thoughts
I know I should be doing something.
I cannot disappoint people
I cannot fail.

I diagnose myself with anxiety,
And the anxiety is you.
Instead of pills,
I reach for the bottle of liquor.
When I sit here with my thoughts,
I know I should be doing what you want.
I cannot disappoint you
I cannot fail.

Is a poet still a poet
If they do not write?

A journal gathering dust,
But a yearning to write.
Am I still a poet
Without my inner light?