they ask me
Choose a way
This or that

Find yourself
live and become
Someone

They don't see
My reality
Is dead

It's not a cry out
It's not a pout
Im gone

I can barely write
Words aren't flowing
My canvas is empty

I'm walking
Only because a leash
Is pulling me forward

No goal
No care
I'm no longer there

Empty inside
I may still cry
Left over pieces

They see emotion
They see sad
Then they get mad

Try harder
Stop whining
Start shining

They don't know
I already made a choice
I decided to die

And it's already in progress

I still remember
How you held
my hand
On your chest

I remember how you
Made me feel comfort
For my first time
With another

I asked you to take me
You asked if i was sure
I said yes
You obliged

Afterwards i didnt know
How to be
So i layed alone
Until you held me

Thank you
For making sure
I didn't feel
Used

I'm not mad at you
Becuase i knew
I'm simply
Afraid

To lose what i had
With you
I'm so insecure
But i can't be sincere

It was only
A hookup
I was warned
Many a time

Yet it happened again
So it left my mind
I want to keep you
Over the weekends

When they are over
You can go about
But you're being taken
From me

Like everyrhing else is
Why must she be here
She's ruining my get away
I don't like her

I'm sure that's wrong
It's becoming a blur
My mind hurts so much
I just want some companionship


  Please
Don't take it away from

Me

Green peace and trees
Orange leaves and sun
Following the blonde strands
Whisping along

Deep reds and purples
Blue mystic lakes
Diving into brunette silk
Marching forward

Friendship and tears
Trust built into love
Bonding a legend
No man could ****

Dragons and ancient tongues
Wars and proud kings
Deep into crimson red
Flowing royal death

Secrets and mysteries
The future and the past
Destiny and youth
Tied around your heart

The love of a man
The tears of a loss
Broken soul holding on
To a gold warrior
Ever so strong

Bittersweet as a broken heart
Like friends who grew a part
Keep it inside your soul forever more
Just don't let the sadness keep you
On the floor

I look at my scars
Darkend on my skin
Like spilled ink on paper

They're barely noticeable
Similiar to myself
holding deeper wounds
Only seen as an ingnifiant mark

I hate myself
Too much to be sad
Over scars from past
Im still making new ones

My body wasn't made to last
My mind made sure
So deeply insecure
I promise no-one sees

Always forgotten
Until i open a new one
What have they become
But a reminder

Im a broken window
Everyone sees right through
Tape over the whole
And ignore the shattered parts

My scars arent enough
To signify my pain
They don't scare anyone
Theyre too plain

Endless void of choking
Choking on life
Since I swallow it
No-one cares what's left inside

You may stay scars
I won't hide you
I'll just ignore you
Like everyone does me

I always wondered
Who will I be at 21
My young eyes thought
I would really be someone

Now i ask
Why am i still alive
Im 21 but hate myself
Dissapointed my young eyes

Call myself a gypsy
Always moving around
I don't want to be lost
I want to be found

All these years I held on
To my destined age
I thought 21 would be me
Yet I'm locked in the same cage

Lying about who i am
Because i have to settle
For what i can get
I'm tired of the battle

I want love
And respect
I want friends
It doesn't have to be perfect

I want a home
And balance
I need warmth
Like a white picket fence

I don't want boring
Or captivity
I hate unsteady
And high difficulty

When will something
Stay with me
Give me peace
And my sanity