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Eli Apr 2020
I grew up with the idea that you aren't supposed to love yourself
Who taught me this?
Myself

Why do I find it so stonelike to obey and cooperate with my literal self?
I'd rather be liquid
So I can freeze my intentions into place and melt it as I choose
I'm not on the best terms with myself
Eli Apr 2020
I am hungry.
If it weren't for toxicities,
I'd swallow the change in my pockets.
Will I ever fill myself?

My expansions seem to be dimming.
I will remain empty forever.

My neglect is my biggest regret.
I argue and I am prone to loss.
I neglect my stomach like I neglect myself
Eli Apr 2020
I reek.
I reek of ****.
I reek of **** indeed.
I reek of things I cannot keep.
I reek of things I do not need.
I reek of a soul I do not feed.
I reek of what I wish to never see.

I reek of me.
I smell
Eli May 2020
My mind is a minor flutter;
Looping movies within ultimate stutters.
I'd tell you I'm feeling better,
But I am a stick of butter.

I look into gaze of grateful maze,
Only to pop amongst unholy haze.
My mind is beautiful,
But what is the craze?
My ego deserves to jump into my idiot blaze.
I hope this is a phase.

Little do I know that I am an end;
Whether I am today or tomorrow, it depends,
Though it will come soon.
The red blends with my toothpaste.
I am falling apart
I can feel it
How long will I last?
Let my stamina tell you when the time comes
Eli Apr 2020
A face in numbers
Larger than.
Darker than a night,
But brighter than.

I am on drugs
While Mother Earth is on something stronger

Everything is a layer of something
Everything is a stroke

I wanted to go out
Discouraged much?

I'm just here growing new traits about me,
Like a tree
Eli Apr 2020
How this palace is brightened,
Every hint is beyond the naked eye.
Less and less,
Loves opinion matters.

Here we are, guided away,
Even the spirits distance themselves.
Lingering between us is nothing,
Literally nothing.
Eli Apr 2020
When I sleep,
And lose the wish to wake,
Take me down with your Precipice Blades.

It's super effective,
Because I am electric,
With negative energy when times are hectic.

I don't know where to ******* spill it.
Eli Jun 2020
I fired imaginary bullets at my head,
Cried slowly as I imaginary bled.
I sit silently as I'm imaginary dead.
Eli Apr 2020
I hate myself
Everything about me
I hate myself
I'm not who I want to be

I'm too skinny
I'm too weak
I'll never find peace
I'll never reach my peak

Why don't I end it?
Because I'm a ******* coward
That's obvious...

You pathetic *******
You are a liar
Like your moms brother
You small little bug
Hiding from the others

No shell
Pure hell

No one cares for your heart
No one ever did from the start
They'll never have a part
No one ever did from the start

When will I try?
Will I wave goodbye
To the demons and skeletons ruining my life?

I'm not smart
I'm not alright
I just want my guts
To lay down and die

Kurt, I see your pain
That you gain
Hard to restrain
Nothing remains

We are all born to die,
So why do we try?
If we are destined for negative demons to take over our lives
A poem I wrote back in 2017, when my mentality was worse than today tenfold
Though it will forever be a struggle, my mindset is far better now
The name came from my presumption that I would in fact **** myself, but it's now a reminder that this isn't me anymore
Eli Jun 2020
I'm glowing with insecurities and inpurities.
My depression slows the time of my processings and duties as a clean window.
I have smudges and dirt spots in the miles!
I clean and I clean, but the ***** returns.
I can't erase them,
I'm covered in worms!
King of dirt and infamous germs.
I want to slide out,
I squirm and I squirm.
My terms in return are to accept and watch myself burn.
I am drenched in sin
Eli Apr 2020
I feel dead,
Trick-or-treating inside my head,
Getting the tricks instead...
Eli Apr 2020
You sadden me into my deepest rooms of colorless time-consuming.
You are the reason I flirt with cannabis.
Heaven exists above because you think you are higher than us.
You do not know me.
I will break your jaw if you cry on me.
Don't rain on my mediocre parade.
Your lowered tints to lower my moods.
The most depressing days of my life are when you accompany me.
Whenever you are smiling, my body weeps.
I find my body disagreeing with himself when I'm with you.
Throughout my life, I've found myself disliking the sky, almost comparing it to god. Some say they love the rain, the weather, and the sky, but despite my optimism towards others, in my head, I penetrate my thoughts with underwhelming parts of things. When I'm utterly depressed, I don't like going out because I feel a beautiful day mocks what I don't have: the brightness I desire.

— The End —