I haven’t seen you
in weeks; yet –
it feels like an eternity.

Countless nights have gone by:
Bleeding wrists.
Sparkling eyes.

It’s all silent.
I can’t hear your delicate voice,
Only screams of my mind.

I miss you,
I need you,
I want you.
It says.

But, you were never mine.

Behind a digital screen,
Your brightness cannot shine –

So, I look up, to the infinite sky
In the hope to find you
As the star that makes me smile.

I could never reach you –

One day. I will see you again:
When you will be in Heaven as
the angel you are;

Whilst, I descend into hell,
As the demon I am.

I miss you. And I want to see you, once more, before it’s time to go.

Towards the endless horizon,
Accompanied by gold sunsets;
Here lies: the sea –
Luminous and transparent.

Heaven’s cherubim.

I; the impure, mortal soul,
Mesmerised by the captivating
Sight, took a step – trespassing.

Enchanted by the warmth of the sea –
I bathed.

Born anew: cleansed;
Given a second chance.

Nevertheless, did I?

Corrupted by mortal emotion,
I refused my new life;
Stained –
The blue sea with
A crimson sight.

What once were transparent,
Now is obscure.
Tainted with impurities.

It responded.

The sea was,
No more, a tame creature;
Rather, a ravaging force.

The portentous waves,
Dragged me away,
In the depth of the sea.
Shrouded by darkness,
Blinded by my own corruption,
I lost sight…

The golden sunsets –
Mere figments of my imagination.

Alone.
Resentful.
Caged.

By my own emotions.

I lost sight…
Now; I lost my life.

Stumbling in the darkest nights,
In search for light –
Which will never come.

I ventured too far;
I opened too much;
I should’ve kept my mouth –
Shut.

Now; I am intoxicated:
By the darkness;
By my thoughts;
By my emotions.
They never –
Shut up.

Drinking shuts their voice –
Only for a couple of hours;
So, I drink and drink and
I drink. It makes me feel –
Better. But, its venom hurts.

Yet, I feel great.
So, I continue.

Although, I am slowing dying,
I won’t have to hear their voice.
I will die in peace –

Intoxicated.

A poet’s weapon of choice:
Their Pen.

This weapon –
The only tool,
Capable to express
A poet’s emotion.

It lets:
Ink flow on paper,
By its delicate touch;
Emotions to be engraved,
Onto the paper;

Hope; transcends onto it.

This is done by a majestic tool:
Their pen.

I wish to be a poet.
But –

My pen flows with blood,
My pen viciously carves onto
The paper;
Marked – by blood stains.

I wish to be a poet…

However.

My pen; my weapon –
Is not used for writing
But;
For cutting.

Happiness:
The state of being happy.
But

What is happy? –
Feeling pleasure (content).
But

Am I happy?

I see you;
Every day –
With another

And; I am happy?

I am pleased:
By your radiant smile.

Yet why?
Am I not happy –

I have:
An urge;
A burning desire;
A –
Requirement.

To feel pain.

Is this what it is,
To be happy?

To shed blood every day;
To drown in agonising pain;
To fake; every; single –
Emotion.

Then: I don’t want you
To be happy
I can.
You can’t –

Be happy: –
With another;
I am happy to see you happy.

You took me by surprise;
From an endless pit of demise.

You were the light to my nightmare
Hence, you were quite rare.

You held my hand in embrace,
and you brought solace to my palace.
You were the only one left
in this endless hell.

But -

You left.

All that I had left;
was your sweet scent
Against all the stench:
Of blood.

You left by surprise.
Brought me back;
To my demise.

You're not the one to blame.
For this endless pain.

Although

For you.
I was an item
From:
Lost and Found.

Heaven: the house of the Lord.
Everyone aspires to enter it.
I was lucky.

You brought Heaven to me;
The paradise in which I aspired to be:
A place of joy;
A place where I met an Angel.

Heaven: a place of solace.
Everyone wants it.
I was lucky.

Heaven’s warmth radiated from you –
The light which you brought:
Was a burning hellfire;
A burning desire.

However

The Heaven you brought,
Was not meant for me
It was meant for another.

You left, or… did I…?

The Heaven you brought –
Gone.
The warmth you brought –
Gone.
The innate desire…

It wasn’t gone:
It intensified.

The Heaven you left me:
Was a scorched earth.

The light you left:
Inflicted pain.
Only
Darkness brought
Solace.

All that was left,
Was the burning desire,
Of a hell-fire.

Here,
In this endless abyss.
I understood
That I was lucky –

The Heaven you brought.
Was not for me.
But another.

Joy.
Joy of life,
Joy of wonders,
Joy of love,
Joy of death.

When it is joy in question,
I always choose yours -
You always choose mine.
Then we fight about,
The joy we keep stealing
From one another
Every Time.

The joy of life poisons me.
The joy of wonders intrigues me.
The joy of love hurts me.

But,

The joy of death relieves me.

Is this what it feels like

To die?

Blood calmly flowing,
Staining this cursed Earth
Engulfing me in its delicate cold.

It flows.

death

She accompanies me – on my journey on the river Styx.
Ahead we go to the fifth circle: my new home, my new prison.
“See the souls over whom anger prevailed. In the warm bath of the sun they were hateful, down here in the black sludge of the river Styx do they wish they had never been born.”
The words Virgil echoed throughout on our way to the fifth circle –

Here
I wish
I was born

Death led me to the imposing pillars of flaming anger,
Where the sins of my wrath lie.

Envy.
Wrath.
Treachery.

I plead guilty of these in front of the Almighty.
And I was banned to this ****** place.

Demonic.

For once.
At last.
For the last.

I
Was
Happy?

While I burnt for my perjury,
I laughed.

Joyful to be gone.
Joyful of eternal pain.
Joyful of sin.
Joyful of sorrow.

I rejoice my death.

While others forget.
Because that’s human nature –
Forget

The sorrow
The pain
The ones hurting
The ones dead

For them.

It’s only joy.

I met an Angel.

She descended from
The Heaven above us all.
She descended in front of me:
Astonished by her divine beauty
Mesmerised; by her celestial smile
Fascinated by such being.

She brought Heaven upon earth:
Warmth,
And a soft smile which contents the
Heart.

Her divine warmth
Charming as ever,
Led me towards her.
Such divinity is
Tremendously
Pure.

I… I…
Caressed her.

Velvet skin;
An aroma, of vanilla;
And an embracing warmth.

Is this what Heaven feels like?

Wishing to enjoy such moment
For eternity.

A split second.
And I… was
In…
Pain?

Your white dress
Stained with my cursed
Blood.
The charming warmth,
A burning hell-fire.

While we slowly drifted apart,
Hell’s gate opened.
The Angel,
Oblivious to the events,
Wondered.
Whilst,
I entered
My new Heaven.

Guilty of thy sins:

Wrath
Lust
Envy

I accept thy;
I carve thy out;
In my own body;
Such that thy may be
Absolved.

Drunk of thy’s blood,
Burning to purge thy,
Blood,
Flowed,
From my eyes.

Satisfied of the pain.
Satisfied of the suffering.
Filled with joy.

The Almighty.
Opened hell’s gate
Once again.

Waiting at the other side,
She was there.

There.

I met an Angel.

With Heaven following her.
I had Hell accompanying me.

I took step on Earth once again
Whilst she remained above us all;
In the Heaven above.

She noticed me.
I noticed her.

Here;
I wondered,
How such divinity –
Could notice a nugatory demon.

I gaze on her beauty,
While she looks at me;
I look away.

Powerless to approach her.
Aghast to reach her.
Withered by her beauty.

Thy sins did not absolve,
And I suffer in quiet.
While the gates to hell
Are now closed.
I carve out some;
To meet the
Almighty
Again.

Yet.
Unable to approach her
I wander the earth as a stray soul.

The cursed soul,
The demon.
He played
Icarus;
Struck by the sun
He fell.
Heaven is not for this soul.

Hell is meant for him.

And this is the story,
Of when
I met an Angel.

Laid on my bed, stripped:
Of my free will;
Of my happiness;
Of my sanity.

Laid on my bed, covered from top to toe:
To hide the scars, of ancient cuttings;
To be engulfed by the warm cold of the blankets;
To enter my sweet dreams.

Again, and again. I enter this realm
Gruesome and vile.
Oblivion. That’s how I would describe it.
Neither sweet nor a dream.
Yet. I still enter this realm.

Is this a dream or a nightmare?