Words, do you use them to tear others down?
Words, do you use them to make others feel ****** about themselves?
These words, how does it not hurt to say these words to me?
These words, cannot be uttered by me because I know how much pain it inflicts.
These words, I never expected you to say
These words, I think about all **** day
These words hurt so much more when it comes from you, the person who I expect to say otherwise.
These words, that hurt me so much that I want to do exactly what you said. That is to die.

I made a child happy once - you failed to see it.
I pulled myself together quick after i was bullied - you failed to see it.
I was the top scorer once - you failed to see it.
I studied all night - you failed to see it
I stood up again and again when I was pulled down - but you failed to see it

I fell down once - you saw it
I took a break to escape my anxiety - you saw it
I broke down over my failures - you saw it
I stood alone not being able to converse  - you saw it

You only believed what you saw.
Hence, I wasn't surprised when you saw me as a failure

They say be your own kind of beautiful
But what if I am not
What if the person who said so had the courage only because they were beautiful.
Whereas I am not
" Oh my God you look so pretty," they say to my friend. Not to me.
Because I am not.
" What is on the inside is what matters," she said.
Then why do I still get left behind?
Because I am not
"Your heart is beautiful," he said.
But what if I want to be beautiful on the outside too.
But I can't
Because I am not
I am nowhere near. So far. Far away from beautiful.
Can't build confidence. I can only build walls to conceal. Conceal emotions and ugliness.
Because I am not beautiful at all.

She couldn’t fight when her father didn’t want her home
She couldn’t fight when her mother told her not to roam
She couldn’t fight when they “married” her off to another man
She couldn’t fight when he left her to pursue his lifelong plan
She couldn’t fight when she held her crying 1 year old
She promised herself to be bold
She stood up to the world, the world that said she couldn’t
She fell back down when they said a she shouldn’t

Why did I choose not to do it?
I could have taken the easy way out.
I could have lied and faked a smile.
We could have gone anywhere together.
But I didn't want to go anywhere I wanted to go somewhere.
Maybe that's why I didn't do it.
I didn't apologise.
I did not want to be there, that somewhere, no.
I didn't want to be there with you.

Was it easy to let go?
Was it easy to leave me drowning on my own?
Did you not feel anything?
Did you not feel like you were suffocating?
Because I did
Every step I took  it got harder to breathe
Easier at the same time too
Did you feel that as well?
I am sure you didn't
Maybe that is why you left me behind
Behind to fight for us alone

“We’ll play hide and seek” he said
The only thing that she most dread
He hid as usual
This game was brutal
She searched for awhile
Knowing this is going to be her lifestyle
She couldn’t find him this time
This game should be a crime
She didn’t understand what happened this time round
She didn’t understand he didn’t want to be found