I can hear the floor boards whispering my name
It's a soft lament of every sad thought my brains ever created
I give in
I can hear you screaming in the other room
Asking me why I always do this
You're yelling
Telling me we have 90$ to our name so you're gunna go out and buy me something strong that'll make me forget
But with every line I only feel more inclined
To go back to the bathroom
And rest my ear against that linoleum floor
And hear everything sweet they ever said to me right before they left
Because I know it doesn't lie
And I know it'll swallow me whole
And maybe if I do it enough I won't feel so awful
For I'll get used to them loving me then slamming on the breaks and unhinging my seat beat just to watch me fly through the glass and lose sight of myself in the floating ash

Everyday is another day
To either repeat my mistakes or consider forgetting this hate
But everyday I wake up and think of two things
First I think of him
Then I think of you
And I'm sorry my heads out of order
Excuse me for crossing these borders
But I still love him
Can I be infatuated with two?
I'd say yes
Because I'll love you both forever
Though we don't talk I can't let you escape my mind for you are every unanswered question I've ever asked and you are every cell I've left unexplored
Meanwhile
You
I love you as of the current
And I've known this for a long while
But I've sailed every inch of your sea and left a trail of small bruises and remanimts of red lipstick
But I don't want you to leave
I'm just afraid I'll go forever without knowing what he'd be like
Afraid of the unknown
Because with you I am home
With you I am free
But when I exit that ******* door it's him
**** I hate how it's always him and never home
But I love you of the current
And I'm sorry
Don't let me go
Don't leave me stranded in this bed without that well memorized map most call a mind, body and soul
I'm only 15
Why do I feel so old?

Eyes like panes of glass
Cut me to pieces
With every fist full of hair and moan for more
I think my favorite song is just a track of our heavy breathing
And the instrumentals are the sound of sweat pooling on your chest
Trace my lips with your finger tips
Look me in the eye
Cut me like glass
Our bodies together is all I ask

I built a home between his hip bones
Though I don't visit all too often
It is a sanctuary
Not the only one but my first true sin
Bruised skin
Flesh on flesh
I swear god put him on this earth just as a test
To watch me give in
Again and again
I can't say no
I can't pretend
You found my frail self screaming, crying on your bathroom floor
We spilt the the wine of life
You striped me of my bile covered clothes
Dragged me to shower
You sat there stroking my head for what felt like 24 hours
Oh the taste of relapse
Smells of cigarettes and silence
Feels like hitting the wall and then being buried under the bricks
In and out in and out
Regain consciousness
Look in the mirror
Take another hit
Breathe
Sitting in that dimly lit room full of mirrors and couches
Memories, more memories
We sat together, limbs entangled
We thanked god for that white powder
We cursed at lucifer for our delicate addiction
Inhale
Feel the burn
Wow
"I missed you so much"
Maybe once again I'll visit the home between your hips
And we'll fall in love again
Oh the taste of relapse
So bitter sweet

We lay
So close yet so far away
I can only parts of you
The cracks in the blinds light up the room
We are silent
Can you feel the tension?
The sweet smell of cigarettes floats around us
Picture perfect
We are silent
We are tired
We are nothing but enemies

They say: You should always say what you feel.
But we all know that some things are better off unsaid.